Personal return of a prodigal son
When I crashed on their doorstep
In my penitent shame
I rechanneled my sorrow with honest desire
To chop wood, carry water, and stoke the fires
Of their older lives once more
Just to be a good son again
Memory shuffles, a deck of cards flashes
Each turned up card freezing in time
Merging the present, with parts of that past
When yellow spring flowers and morning spring hay
Streamed past our car windows that day
Off to see my loved one’s again
Here in the beauty of good honest thought
Their hearts are forever in tune with mine,
I know it was them I wanted to please,
Take away the damage I’d done
With the arrogant acts
Of a damn foolish son
So he was there one day
Six feet and four inches tall
Smiling with joy
in the Sanitorium hall
I went home with no other thought
Than, that I might return to the Earth again
I would become their better child,
A more caring son
So stunned to know that my parents cared
While friends shook their heads
Over what I’d become
Until I knew that amends must be done
A brand new start,
A new chapter and page,
Contained my desire
To make it that way
A son to mow the yard and repaint the barn
Not knowing how quickly (then) would be gone
It happened next week
On a terrible day
When my father died,
Had a heart attack, at sixty seven years young
Only two years older than I have become
And before my lost mother nearly gave up her life
I see memories shuffling past,
My frightened mother pumping his chest
Hoping the hope that he wouldn’t leave
But after he died
No longer part of my plans
He could no longer smile for a good son and good man
In the following times
Of endless winters draped in dark morning light
As if cryogenic suspension had only survived
I lived in the limbo of my mind’s ICU
Where there in the darkness I sadly knew
I could never rewrite such a sorrowful play
But oh how clearly I see him now
Driving the back country corners of home
On the wet red clay and dry sandy roads
Meandering along with such marvelous calm
Up, down, around and about
My wonderful father showing his love
We were completely at peace with each other back then
Completely at peace and also good friends
And in those last moments I knew once again
That my dream of amends wasn’t in vain
Since though I thought I had failed
A good son remained
Peter W. Johnson 2/20/2018
