Self-doubt


My father left. I watched him go.

I did not want it to be so.

His breath so heavy, then so slow,

It petered out, no further flow.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


Preparations made to mark his life.

Where crowds all gathered, world and wife.

Two hundred strong with honour rife,

My soul was shredded with a knife.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


Words of praise by all arrayed,

Including mine in tribute paid.

A life so rich, so humble made.

Reborn in Christ, just flesh decayed.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


Husband, father, man he was

Words of loving without pause.

Whole life led with noble cause,

Above all else by Christian laws.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


I think back now but in regret,

That on my death no-one yet

Could call me loved with due respect.

No words of sorrow would I ever get.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


My days are numbered, come what may.

But on my going, none can say,

I lived a life so rich each day.

On my death, my sins I’ll pay.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


I live my life without a goal.

I close my gates. I have no soul.

Within the world I play no role.

The day I go, no bells will toll.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


At my funeral, if any be,

Those who mourn, just two or three.

No words of comfort, just such as he

To heaven’s gates do hold the key.


Eyes wide open and then they shut.

His head just turned and hearts were cut.


Yet still there’s time to be sage,

Goals to set with which to gauge.

Days still linger, whate’er my age

To make my mark on empty page.


Eyes wide open, one day they’ll shut.

My head will turn. May hearts I cut.


© 2017 James Hanna-Magill

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.