This is who I am

Sometimes before I go to sleep, I just think.
After a while I reach for my pen and ink
And I start to write my thoughts, my story,
Which I always think will be a road to glory.

Then my fucking heart goes out of rhythm
Those beats hurt, but I can’t do anything with them.

That’s when I start to question if I’m
Still alive or will I see the sun rise,
But in the meantime I’m out of time.
Because my heart begins to beat fast
And each beat takes me closer to the last.
So I have to act quick and make rhymes
or change the tactics and make fake lines
pretending I’m still fine while my soul cries.

Only one thing, hopelessly though, I still fight for.
She’s my everything and I might as well die for
Her. She is the reason I’m still alive, because
Honestly I gave up I’m fucking tired I just need a pause
From all this aching, my heart is still squeezing
And the pain doesn’t seem to be easing.
It made me think death would be pleasing,
But something is wrong I just can’t stop breathing.

I thought I would die so many times that now
It is what keeps me alive and makes me know
How beautiful everything in this world is. Although
The pain is there, I figured it helps me grow.
I have become bigger as a person with each wrong beat
So whenever I feel close to death I will take a seat,
And proudly see the good side of this and
Tell my story to anyone who is willing to listen.