To the boy who’s not my boyfriend but with whom I spent the past three days in bed
I remember that one time I asked you
If you liked poetry
And you let the question sit between us long enough to take up all the air from my lungs
Your eyes chased the words that would make me less disappointed without compromising on the truth
I remember how unsuccessful you were
Since you came ‘round
My room got filled with summer butterflies
The plants been crawling all the way up the ceiling
Every kiss is a song we whistle in turns to find ourselves in the dark
With no meaning
Time grew shorter around my days
Your hands grew roots around my hands
And I cannot seem to find a reason to complain
When your eyes flood my insides with the brightest of skies
I hate it how I have no right asking you to meet again
Since his clothes live in my closet
his hair breaks on the pillow next to mine
and his soul is hung on every wall.
I wouldn’t want you to take a plane
to love me like he can’t
To hold the shivers I gift you
like left overs from a body that’s been broken into fairly even pieces
but the small crumbs still remain scattered on the floor
cause he’s too lazy to pick’em
Since you came ‘round, the floor’s been cleaner.
Your face is the paper moon painting I stared at in the museum
every day for a month
It made me cry and feel things I could not explain
Made my blood gush out my fingertips
all over myself,
the drawings on my table,
over the tea pot and the ukulele.
— The last three being a list of things I’m not allowed to share —
I hate it how you left earlier.
Not that there would ever be enough time to finish our silly conversations
and go through with the plans of swimming
in an unrealistic number of lakes
Specially considering we’d lose three hours every time our eyes met.
But the silence that walked me home back from the station
whispered you never meant to stay in the first place.
Since you came ‘round
Love is a dark shaped cloud we spotted
while sitting in your backyard
that one time after having breakfast outside
Soon to be vanished from our hearts
Since you came ‘round
I came ‘round just as much.
I let you hug me to sleep and see me drink
I let you stop and kiss me out in the park,
Under the bridge,
In the middle of the street.
I pretended it was not about him
That you had words inside you
like rose petals in between the pages of a book
you were not sure you wanted me to read
While I sat there with its thorns in my throat,
Unable to speak.
Since you came ‘round
I’ve hated that you came ‘round
That you made my head go ‘round
That you wouldn’t stick around
That all my cards were played out
And all my defenses were lowered down
That my heart beats a bit heavier now
when I tell him
he’s got nothing to worry about.
