What is Poker for me?
It’s a game riddled with vices, virtues and variance.
Your grandmother knows this to be synonymous to a game that made kingdoms fall, people lose their dignity and wars happen. Your aunt thinks this to be a sure shot way for ruin, while your uncle thinks its a legitimate way to spend a good saturday afternoon with friends. While the ‘pro’ thinks its a game of skill, where he grind his edge by putting himself in a favorable situation over and over again, overcoming the short run variance, while the ‘fish’ thinks, ‘Lagana hi to hai!’ <wink>
I’m not naive enough to think there is no one “right” way to look at it.
Just like everything else in life, It is what you make out of it.
Poker for me was different things at different points in my life.
It started off as a good alternative for movies, I found more amusement in a 3hr session at 400bucks (more value for money), than sitting in a multiplex. Then it became a very cherished hobby, the high of adrenaline, the intellectual stimulation of a well timed bluff/call, the thrill of getting into the opponents mind, the simple joy of winning some pocket money.
It didn’t take long to discover 2+2 & their legendary High-stakes No Limit forums (where dwan used to post), it was all too fancy, even fancy trying to apply that at Micros, attempting 25 tables.
While I was contemplating going ‘pro’ after a couple of goa trips, I got into IIMC. Discovering there’s an Adi Agarwal trained player in Joka, was excited to go there (literally that’s the only thing that I knew of the place, no, not even GGP).
It was there the NH LAB was founded, where poker experiments were conducted!
It was at this place I found more space to look within, but poker was just a very enjoyable hobby.
As soon as I landed in bangalore, before my job began, the off-day before was put to good use at King’s and Queens club. That’s where I met Abhinav Mahajan and Eka Vendantham.
Playing 2.5k tables at KQ taught me a very important, experiential lesson in 'mindset of mediocrity’. But I was too much part of that game, to see what’s happening. I just kept busting my salary roll (lol no Bankroll), and it was only a matter of time to really stop and see.
While Eka, took it to the online front and started killing it, Abhinav became a partner in crime, at Ola and the clubs. It wasn’t late till we realized we had to do a lot of things differently if we wanted to taste success in this game.
I realized the honesty and clarity I aspired for in other aspects of life was somehow missing completely in poker for me. I was an addict to the dopamine of the game, the highs and lows mattered to me so much. While I was fairly even headed in other aspects of life, in poker I was just being played by the game.
I had developed too many bad habits. I had to start allover again, there was no other way.
Poker soon transformed into a process of self discovery. Every decision I made showed me the biases I had, the logical loopholes rooted in emotional impulses. Every hand became an opportunity to really look at ‘Why am I doing, what I’m doing’.
When you strive, life aids you.
One beautiful thing happened on the 1st of Nov’16. My credit card took all of the month’s salary for poker dues. After a moment of distress I thought, I can’t play, fuck it! Lemme put all that time to get better and work on that poker product we have been thinking for a while.
Oh, btw, me and Abhinav, out of our uncontrollable passion for the game, were itching to do something in Poker. Given our business and tech background, we thought we’ll build a poker platform. But most of it had to with the fact that I just hated every UI that was available at that time and sincerely thought I could do a much better job.
With a month long of study and new salary, I went to a new club, a fresh slate for inner exploration. It was not as rosy as I make it sound, it was a tough process of failing over and over again, making the same old mistakes.
One night, I was playing this tournament where the final table was supposed to happen in Europe, for a buyin of Rs.800.
I was 1/13, 9 people went. I busted 11th.
I was super pissed off at myself. Couldn’t bare the fact that I was making the same mistakes over and over again.
The next morning I woke up, prepping for our post marriage housewarming party, I got a call and the guy on the other side said:
“Abhinav passed away”.
I was like wtf!
I drove to his home to find his body was taken to Kanpur, to his home. He was already gone, there was a strong energy presence at his place, I stood there and spoke to Avinash, realizing the absurdity of our ‘taken for grantedness’ of the next moment.
I didn’t cry much, but something moved in me deeply. I knew I was playing this game for two people now. And I fucking had do a better job.
I had to go ALL — IN!
The process just became intense, mistakes were no more tolerable. Weed had to go, atleast while I played. I started investing in myself and the learning, I was reading an article which needed subscription for $99/month, I had a bankroll of $200 in total, I bought the package. The coming week, I had my first big score in $11 Scoop on stars for $4k, next week, had a 10L score on Millionaire. I snap bought RaiseYourEdge.
These games were significantly different in terms of the experience of the state that I reached within. The game became more about this experience of calmness, clarity and intensity.
Meanwhile, I reached out to the crushers in the community for help with my game and without exception, they have been kind!
I quit my job, got into building the platform full-time. After a while the tech team broke, development paused, I asked myself, What do I really want?
I loved playing poker.
But what bothered me was, the game that gave me light, was anything but light for the world. For the uninitiated, this is gambling and all its vices. That is true for most, that’s where we start.
But it can also be transformed into something more, more beautiful. A process of flowering.
And that’s the side of Poker I wanted to see in the world.
And there began Poker Yoga for me.
Through this blog, I would love to share it’s flowers, fruits and juice.
As I walk the path, falling over and getting up.
