Political Sense
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Political Sense

Proud Boys: No, sorry, you can’t crash at my place

There’s no room for you in Washington, DC

Jeffrey Denny


To: Whoever admits to leading the Proud Boys

From: A longtime Washington, DC, citizen

Re: Your planned January 6, 2021, rally for Trump

As you know, Washington, DC, is a uniquely hospitable city.

We welcome all visitors from across America and the world.

Our hospitality — hotels, restaurants, monuments, museums and so many sights to see — strives to be second to none.

But to be hospitable to all comers, as I hope you would acknowledge and respect, we need to draw the line between good and bad visitors, as the few bad can drive out the greater good.

In short, not to put it too finely yet plainly, we don’t want the Proud Boys and your violent political performative theater here. We find your hateful agenda, slogans and antics, in a word, disturbing.

I understand from the “fake news mainstream media” that lame-duck President Trump (no disrespect to disabled mallards) has called the Proud Boys and his other racist supporters to Washington for a “wild” last-ditch protest against the Electoral College vote that Trump’s own judges declared he lost bigly, fairly and squarely.

We might also agree that Trump Republican judges dismissed Trump Republican lawyer-coached “affidavits” declaring voter fraud as bullshit, to use the politest term.

For my part, I recognize that while they ignored high school civics and would fail the basic citizenship test their hated immigrants pass, the Proud Boys righteously claim they’re the ultimate American patriots fighting for America’s liberty. Forgive me for saying, stupid doesn’t know from stupid, bless their sick little hearts.

But could I suggest, with all due respect, the Proud Boys may be irredeemably dangerous idiots? And how in a democratic republic like America’s, the shining light to humanity’s freedom, a tiny confederacy of dunces doesn’t get to reject the majority election results? Like Socialist dictators do?

All politics aside:

As you know, Hotel Harrington, the Proud Boys’ unofficial DC headquarters and lodging, is closing because of the violence — possibly armed and deadly — you’re planning to incite and wreak in Washington.

Suffice to say, like Mary and Joseph struggled with, we hope there’s no room for the Proud Boys at any inn around here.

And let me gently take issue with Esquire magazine’s headline on an article by Charles P. Pierce about DC’s Hotel Harrington closing: “The Proud Boys Don’t Have to Go Home, But They Can’t Stay Here.”

Sorry Charlie. Not to nitpick, but the Proud Boys need to stay home and not come here.

I invite the Proud Boys to stand back and stand by forever in whatever parental basement or spider hole from which they express their diseased minds, damaged hearts and ignorant hate.

Often they do so anonymously, like cowards using inciting, fighting, seditious words do, in order to avoid losing friends, family, neighbors and employers who are alarmed and wonder whether to report you when you sound like a domestic terrorist who is ready to hit the headlines.

So, with the Harrington Hotel and most of Washington, DC, closed to the Proud Boys, where will your wandering people stay?

· No, thanks for asking, they can’t stay with me. Not even in my basement sump pump closet. Forget about staying with my neighbors. While our hearts go out to the psychologically impaired, as our yard signs declare, Hate Has No Home Here.

· No, you can’t hate “liberal cities” that help the homeless and stay in DC without a place to stay. You can’t sleep in your pickup trucks; it will only exacerbate your back problems. And we’re all suspicious of random RVs for reasons you certainly must be aware of.

· Yes, you can — you definitely should — look for lodging in some of Washington’s great old neighborhoods that TripAdvisor won’t advise.

President Trump has talked about some of these urban hot spots. For example, the Proud Boys should check out Washington, DC’s, Deanwood, Brentwood and Stadium-Armory communities.

I suspect the nonwhite residents there would love to welcome white supremacists, and perhaps teach the Proud Boys just how proud and tough they really are.

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.



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