My Open Letter to Hillary Clinton
I’ve watched the documentary series twice on Hulu and I’ve cried both times.
I framed this as a letter to Secretary Clinton in my title, but I have little hope she herself will actually ever see this, so let me speak to the rest of the audience of why my grief runs so deep.
In terms of her loss to Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton stated something to the effect of, “I am the candidate. It’s my campaign. I take responsibility for the loss.”
I love you and it is my hope that someday, you learn some of the things you view as mistakes were never mistakes at all.
For cis men to take responsibility as leaders for the things that go wrong is an admirable trait. We seem surrounded by men who do no such thing — Trump being a prime example. So when we have a leader own up to their mistakes and missteps — perceived or real — we tend to think of that person as decent and deserving of credit for taking responsibility for what went wrong around them.
When Hillary Clinton does it, it makes sad.
I am the youngest of Generation X, raised by Boomer parents. I think I can say with confidence as a cis woman, many of us are raised to take responsibility for things, regardless of if it’s right to do so or not. And not that it’s necessarily wrong for Clinton to take general responsibility for failing to win the campaign for presidency under normal circumstances, but we are not living under normal circumstances. She KNOWS full well the propaganda campaign run against her. She KNOWS that letter from Comey to Congress over the nothingburger of her emails was wrong. She KNOWS that Sanders using long standing Republican talking points about how the Clintons are corrupt hurt her in the general election. She knows all of this, but still considers it a failure on HER part, that she was unable to overcome these obstacles. It makes me sad, because women are somehow led to believe that if we cannot overcome the obstacles put up in front of us, WE are somehow still at fault and need to take responsibility of the consequences.
She did it earlier in her life too. When she reflected back on Universal Healthcare failing during the 90’s, she thought that heading the entire effort was a mistake. She thought someone else should have taken the lead and that she could have been simply an advocate for such a bill in Congress. When she thought it was a mistake to head the efforts to bring Universal Healthcare to this country, it made me sad. She did not “know her place” as First Lady and she internalized it in a way I don’t think she should have.
The fact of the matter is, we don’t like strong women. We don’t want them to be our leaders. We don’t want them to be the ones to bring us progress, if we even want progress at all. 2016 proved our country still relies on sexism to keep women “in their place”. Berners and Trumpers alike found any excuse they could justify to escape the fact sexism is the only real reason to hate her. We never seem ready for the trailblazer. Not because they are really ahead of their time — but because we are afraid of the progress the trailblazer will bring.
My two high school boys and I have been watching the original Carl Sagan Cosmos series on YouTube. We watch an episode each night as we wait for our school system to roll out their version of remote learning during this coronavirus crisis.
Much of what Sagan teaches us during these episodes is not just science, but history. He draws a narrative that in his belief, we could be much farther in our scientific endeavors today and our understanding of the universe we inhabit, if it hadn’t been for superstition and fear throughout our history. He also warned us about taking care of our planet and about climate change — even back in 1980.
After learning so many things about science and history that I didn’t know before, I agree with his narrative on scientific progress. I believe it applies to political progress as well.
It has been patently clear Republicans of the last several decades do not want progress. They want power and they’ll do anything to keep it through superstition and fear. It is clear in the shock fringe propaganda of Rush Limbaugh during the 90s and the types of protesters that showed up to rallies Hillary tried to have for healthcare. Some people even brought weapons to those rallies. They called her a Feminazi and worse for the crime of daring to bring Universal Healthcare to everyone.
It was clear during the Obama years. As soon as Republicans won the 2010 midterms, they got to work to immediately become one of the most obstructionist Congresses in our country’s entire history. At the same time, they pushed propaganda to their base that the economic crash that happened before Obama was voted for President was his fault. The House voted to overturn the ACA dozens of times. Congress investigated Benghazi repeatedly and could not find any wrong doing by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Not even after wasting 11 of her hours that she will never get back.
We never seem ready for the trailblazer. Not because they are really ahead of their time — but because we are afraid of the progress the trailblazer will bring.
It was clear during the 2016 elections. It took a combination of things to defeat Hilary and even so, she still won the popular vote by over 3,000,000 legal votes. Unfortunately, the damage of the propaganda on the right and left still remains. Four years later, people still hate her and bring up propaganda talking points against her. Four years later, Sanders fans still believe an old white man socialist is more progressive than having the first woman for president. Someone, who during the 90s, was considered anti-establishment herself. Back then it was considered a bad thing.
I cried during this documentary for several reasons. The idea that it was 2016 before we had a woman as a major party nominee carries many heavy emotions. There is the joy of hitting milestones. The “FINALLY!” The exasperation it took this long to make such an accomplishment.
Grief.
Grief that Sanders and his base take a narrative to this day that is not theirs to have. That somehow a woman could steal what is supposedly rightfully his. Just like those law school hopeful men who told Hillary her taking the test to enter law school was taking the place of some other man and if he was drafted into the Vietnam War as a result, it was her fault.
It’s her fault we have Trump, you see. Because she dared to take the place rightfully belonging to another man.
But it was never Hillary Clinton’s fault that she dared to have ambition and ideas. Cis men are allowed to have ambition and ideas. Why can’t she? She worked to make this world a better place, no matter which direction she chose to do the work. It is not her fault our society is still so very sexist. Reliving the election loss of 2016 causes tears. I am still very much grieving the loss. It is like a death because it was a death. The documentary brings healing and validation, but also pain. And because we have been thrown into surviving a fascist administration for the past three years, our ability to properly grieve 2016 has been swept away by the constant anxiety of survival.
Hillary — it was never your responsibility that other people are sexist against you. No other presidential candidate has had to apologize or take such heavy responsibility for losing. You carried an extra burden for being a trailblazer. The inability to overcome so many barriers is not your fault. You are truly an inspiration to so many people — myself included. I have looked up to you for decades. I love you and it is my hope that someday, you learn some of the things you view as mistakes were never mistakes at all.
