An Open Letter from God: Enough with the Prayers
If you missed the memo, I’ve stopped listening
Dear Americans,
Kindly quit it with the prayers, already! Don’t you think I know the drill by now?
Sub-sentient cretin shoots up a school? Thoughts and prayers.
Mouth-breathing bigot massacres a church full of worshipers? Thoughts and prayers.
Deranged degenerate unloads on a crowded supermarket? Thoughts and me-damned prayers.
It’s gratuitous, redundant, and at this point utterly predictable. Has it crossed your meager minds that maybe I’ve got more important matters to attend to than your psychological solace?
You know how annoying it is when you’re at your job trying to log the monthly status reports, and Chad in the next cubicle over won’t stop bugging you about superfluous shit that he should be handling himself?
Well, imagine a hundred million Chads all yammering at once, and you’ve got a UNIVERSE to run. You think your company’s got supply chain issues? Try keeping 100 billion planets sufficiently stocked with water, foliage, and oxygen.
That’s right, 100 billion.
Oh, you didn’t realize that? I’ve got 100 billion planets under my purview, and that’s…
