Political Satire

Democracy “Retires”

Tuesday, November 5, 2024

Photo of suggested retirement location by author. Will Democracy enjoy Florida?


Democracy: What? Huh? What’s this all about?

America: Oh, thank you for your service! Your tireless efforts on our behalf have made us the great country we are. Or at least the great country we used to be. We hope your retirement will be happy and healthy.

Democracy: But there is so much more to do!

America: Yes, there is always more to be done, but don’t you worry about that. You should be proud of all you have accomplished over the last 200+ years. I mean, look at us! We’ve gone from a third-world colony to the economic engine of the world! And we’re a beacon of hope for all those who we don’t want immigrating.

Democracy: Yes, yes, but those are past laurels. There are many, many things that need to be done if improvement is to continue. Much must happen if we are to ascend to a more perfect union.

America: You are completely right. Unfortunately, your way of doing things is slow and messy. It’s well past time to gear up and get things done. We can’t be waiting around forever, and this give-and-take stuff is just not cutting it anymore.

Democracy: What do you mean?

America: We're going in a new direction. We’re done with this old-fashioned squabbling. Lately, we’ve been a little less glorious than we used to be and we’re looking to get back to our former glory.

Democracy: And you intend to do that, how?

America: Well, it’s obvious that various groups are holding us back. We either need to make sure they won’t continue to limit us, or we need to get rid of them altogether.

Democracy: What about “e pluribus unum”?

America: What? Are we supposed to understand that foreign tongue? Speak English!

Democracy: What about creating a unified whole out of many parts?

America: As long as they are the right parts. The slouches hiding behind you, Democracy, are dragging us down. Even if not a majority, we have the vision others lack, and we know the way to the promised land. And we have to get there before the lazy louts overwhelm us.

Democracy: But, but …

America: Here. Have some cake, and start enjoying your retirement.

Democracy: But I have many good years left!

America: Look, with the Congress rendered ineffective and useless, and the Supreme Court packed with rubber stamp ideologues instead of Jurists interpreting the law, the Executive Branch just has to pick up the load if we’re going to get anything done. And executive orders are much more efficient.

Have you considered a second career? Perhaps you should write a memoir or work in academia.

Democracy: The people! They, the people, won’t stand for this! They’ll call me back.

America: No, they won’t. They’ve finally realized that the oligarchs are always right. It’s the Carnegies, the Rockefellers, the Bezos, the Musks that have built this country, with the help of the hardworking and underappreciated few. And they’re not going to take you handicapping them anymore!

Together, we’re taking steps to get you out of the way so the country can reach even more exceptional greatness.

Democracy: The people will never force me out!

America: They already have. Just go quietly, will you? It will be better for all of us. Your legacy is secure. We’ll continue to praise your contributions, even as we take a different path.

Let’s discuss what you’d like your monument in D. C. to look like. Are you fond of gilded marble? How about an eternal flame?



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Randy Fredlund

Randy Fredlund

I Write. Hopefully, you smile. Or maybe think a new thought. Experiences and observations are presented in words and images.