True Confessions
Hi. My Name Is Exxon Mobile and I’m a Mass Murderer
If companies are people, too, can I be charged with murder?
Hi. I’m a mass murderer. I’m just gonna get that out there right now.
Funny name, though, right? While you’re running for your life from a climate fire or hurricane, I’m looking in the mirror going, “why did I end up with such a goofy name?”
Anyway, my lawyers (I have lots of them) told me back in 2010 after the U.S. Supreme Court decision known as Citizens United (Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission), which said corporations are people, that I may want to start covering my tracks a bit.
So I did:
“Ha,” I told them. “Seriously, I had the situation covered 40 years ago!”
The 1970s were when people began to worry about the environment. Even me!
See, back in the 1970s and early 1980s, I worked with these big-time scientists. I gave them a ton of money, by the way. I mean, in today’s money, it would be like, 50 Teslas in the garage kind of money.
