My Campaign Promises

Week 6 on the Presidential Campaign Trail

Cheap Graphic Created by Candidate for Lack of Donations.

Tariffs to Raise Money

I’m going to charge Canada a tariff for all the cold air it exports to the United States. I’m going to put all those scientists who are writing climate change papers to start working on how to monitor the cold air crossing the border. This should increase federal revenues, plus entice Canadians to keep all the cold air for themselves.

Change to Business Tax Laws

Most advertising is about buying things we really don’t need. So why should advertising be a tax-deductible expense?

Invading the Right Kind of Countries

My policy will be to invade countries that will be easy to conquer and assimilate. It’s time to take Greenland away from Denmark. We could put a small paper bag of money on the doorstep of the Danish Embassy, similar to what we did with the Danish West Indies in 1917. If someone in the embassy takes the bag inside, that is “offer and acceptance” in our civil law. Greenland becomes ours.

Smart Chickens

Apparently, there are some really smart chickens in Arizona that know the difference between ballots marked Democrat and ballots marked Republican. I say we should confiscate these chickens ASAP and breed them like crazy. There are more tasks for which they can be trained.

The Texas Bait and Switch

Texans are unhappy. So I’m going to let Texas rejoin Mexico. Then when a few Texans are unsatisfied with their new country, let’s forcefully retake Texas back — and the Mexican provinces of Chihuahua and Chouhuila while we have the army in the region. Two or three birds with one annexation stone, right?

Time to Nationalize Big Companies

If another big company ever gets a government bailout, the government becomes a three-quarter owner of the company.

USA’s Political Mental Illness

Some crazy Medium writer is claiming that everyone in the USA is mentally ill. As president, I say we need to address this situation head-on. If this mental illness article goes viral, our allies and adversaries will not look at us anymore with fear or admiration. That could be bad.


So you see, I have all sorts of great ideas to move USA forward.



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Dave Volek

Dave Volek is the inventor of “Tiered Democratic Governance”. Let’s get rid of all political parties! Visit