Nightmares for My Pillow
My Pillows are flying off the shelves.
Bed, Bath and Beyond have taken them off their shelves.
Kohl’s has taken them off their shelves.
HEB, Wayfair and even the Canadian Shopping Channel have taken them off their shelves.
Talk about tossing and turning.
Our northern neighbors don’t just sleep — they hibernate. Pillows are serious stuff up there.
The troubles started when Mike Lindell, CEO of My Pillow and snuggle buddy to disgraced ex president Donald J. Trump, urged the president to invoke martial law in his quest to remain in power.
On top of that he accused Dominion, a voting technology company, of throwing the election to Joe Biden.
Like any good grifter, Lindell was hoping to keep Mr. Trump in power for personal reasons.
Not only had he been hoping to secure the often over looked, but lucrative, pentagon pillow contract, he had also been working to snag the Trump Hotel contract.
Now that Trump is no longer a useful idiot it looks like our men and women in uniform will not be upgrading to the latest in sleep technology.
Additionally, the glitzy hotels will now be cutting back on their linen usage.
Reservations at Trump properties appear to be down across the board.
And…Dominion Voting Machines has filed a law suit against Mr. Lindell.
Respectable retailers everywhere are dropping My Pillows like so much flop house laundry.
Apparently there are certain red lines you just don’t cross in the bedding industry.
Now, both desperately in need of money, Trump and Lindell have decided to partner on a whole new line of bedding.
My Pillow Case and My White Sheets.
The pillow cases will come with adjustable slots for the eyes and the sheets will feature interior pockets for both cell phones and lighters.
Naturally, both will be flame retardant.
MAGA Mattresses are reportedly in the works.
While Mr. Lindell had high hopes for the new Secretary of the Linen Cabinet position, it looks like it’s back to the factory floor and late night TV advertising.