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POLITICAL SATIRE
The Constitution Gets Fired for Cause
Your elitist-looking calligraphy has created a hostile work environment
Dear Constitution,
We regretfully inform you that your employment with our country is canceled, effective immediately. As outlined below, your termination as our founding document is directly related to your recent performance and behavior.
We have received numerous complaints from very fine people that you are limiting the powers of the government for which you are supposed to be providing a framework. By vesting power in three different dysfunctional branches, you willfully limited the authority of our Dear Leader and prevented America from becoming great again.
We counseled you repeatedly about your chronic slothfulness; you’ve literally been lying around collecting dust for centuries. You went from liberty provider to lazy liberal in just 234 years. Yet, despite your inactivity, you were often indecisive and overly malleable.
Early in your career, you wisely let the states decide which powerful, landholding, white, slaveholding males could vote. But you eventually folded to pressure from the “woke” abolitionists and suffragists by allowing the passage of a fifteen, nineteenth, and twenty-sixth amendment…
