Politics

He is obsessing about the election audit in Arizona

Caren White

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May 2 · 4 min read

The level of crazy just got turned up a few notches in Trump World. You might want to pour yourself an adult beverage and grab a seat before reading any further.

Ready?

Trump has become so obsessed with the “audit”, a polite euphemism for recount, going on in Arizona that he is convinced that not only will they find enough votes for him to overturn the results of the election in Arizona but that this “audit” will then go on to Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan and Wisconsin where more votes will be found. The election results will be overturned countrywide, and he will triumphantly return to the White House.

Now, aren’t you glad that you had that adult beverage handy?

So let’s break this down. We’ll start with the audit currently going on in Arizona. The votes in question were cast in Maricopa Country which Biden won by 45,000 votes. Arizona Republicans in their infinite wisdom firmly believe in the Big Lie that the election was stolen, so they have hired a firm to recount the votes.

The firm, by the way, is called Cyber Ninjas. Sorry, but I can’t take any company seriously that has “ninjas” in their name. Don’t kids grow out of that ninja thing by the time they graduate from Middle School?

It’s no surprise that Cyber Ninjas was chosen by the Arizona Republicans. The founder, Doug Logan, also subscribes to the Big Lie and believes that Trump won Arizona. By 200,000 votes.

Wanna bet that his company finds those 200,000 votes?

It should be easy. He has issued pens with blue ink to the workers counting the ballots. The correct color is red because red ink can’t be read by the tabulation machines. Blue ink can be read by the tabulation machines so there is the distinct possibility that ballots could be altered.

He is also using UV lights. No one is sure how he is using them, but UV light can damage the ballots. Trump is fascinated by the use of UV lights. Of course it would be fascinating to someone who thought that you could inject bleach to cure COVID-19.

So it should be no surprise that Trump is convinced that the audit will find “thousands and thousands and thousands of votes.”

Supposedly he asks multiple times a day for updates. One person, who wished to remain anonymous, claims that one time Trump talked about the audit for 45 minutes straight.

Trump has even included the audit in his farewell speech at Mar-a-Lago. He’s leaving to go north to his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey to avoid the Florida summer which features high heat, stifling humidity and hurricanes.

Personally, I think that he’s leaving because Mar-a-Lago closes in May and Trump can’t live without his adoring crowds.

So this is what he said:

“Let’s see what they find. I wouldn’t be surprised if they found thousands and thousands and thousands of votes. After that we’ll watch Pennsylvania, and you watch Georgia, then you’re going to watch Michigan and Wisconsin, and you’re watching New Hampshire. They found a lot of votes up in New Hampshire just now … you saw that? This was a rigged election, everybody knows it, and we’re going to be watching it very closely.”

I know we’re all a little out of practice with interpreting Trump’s word salads. We’ve become spoiled by a president who speaks in complete, grammatically correct sentences.

But let’s have a go at figuring out what Trump was trying to say.

It appears that he thinks that Cyber Ninjas will find many thousands of votes for him in Arizona. Then they will move on to Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan and Wisconsin where they will also find many thousands of votes for him. Enough votes to overturn the election in his favor.

Sorry, I have no clue to what he was referring when he talked about New Hampshire. If you know, leave a comment and enlighten all of us. I think the whole New Hampshire thing is one of those alternative facts.

That’s another way that Biden has spoiled us. He doesn’t make shit up like Trump did.

What’s really scary about this is not just that Trump is obsessed with this recount but that he thinks that it will lead to Biden being thrown out of the White House and Trump becoming president instead.

There can no longer be any doubts about Trump’s sanity or grasp of reality. Not only is it insane to believe that the 2020 election was rigged in Biden’s favor, but to believe that it can still be overturned, Biden kicked out and Trump returning in triumph from exile means that he has lost all touch with reality.

This is why I am convinced that Trump will run for president in 2024. In his reality, it makes sense to run for a second term and believe that he can win.

In our reality, Trump was soundly rejected by the voters in 2020 and after Biden gets through passing his agenda, the economy picks up and people’s lives improve thanks to his infrastructure plan and family plan which includes free college, subsidized childcare and paid leave, Trump won’t just be rejected, he will be laughed out of the race.

After a taste of the good life, no one in their right minds would want to go back to the way things were under Trump.

Except Trump and his cronies of course.