POLITICAL SATIRE
Whose Health Is More Important: Woman Or Fetus?
Clearing up confusion
Hello, Texan Ladies. Ken Paxton here, speaking for the Fascist Patriarchy.
I know there has been a lot of confusion out there since the patriots on the Supreme Court of the USA struck down the abomination of Roe v. Wade. But don’t you worry your pretty little heads about it. I’m here to set it all out in terms you can understand.
I just want y’all to know that when it comes to your life vs. that of your fetus, you die. You see, this is how God intended it, and we’ll be damned if we don’t follow His will. I’m sure you understand that we really don’t have any choice but to do what the big guy wants. And I know you’d rather die doing the right thing than live with the knowledge that you selfishly picked your continued limited existence over that of a nascent human of unbounded potential.
Now, you may be a freshly minted medical doctor out of Baylor Med School with a bright future of saving lives ahead of you, but when your health becomes at odds with that of your fetus, the little guy wins. It’s as simple as that.
In an effort to be sure there is no continued confusion, I’ve sued the Feds to make sure that you’ll die. Those blockheads in Washington have issued guidance that we know is wrong. Dead wrong.
Department of Health and Human Services said the guidance from its U.S. Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services agency did not constitute new policy but merely reminded doctors of their obligations under the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act.
Save your life with an abortion?! Never! And we can’t have these Federales telling us what to do. They have no right to compel the law-abiding physicians in the Republic of Texas to perform what they say are life-saving abortions. How ridiculous! Murderous abortions only take lives, no matter the circumstances!
This administration has a hard time following the law, and now they are trying to have their appointed bureaucrats mandate that hospitals and emergency medicine physicians perform abortions,” Attorney General Paxton said. “I will ensure that President Biden will be forced to comply with the Supreme Court’s important decision concerning abortion and I will not allow him to undermine and distort existing laws to fit his administration’s unlawful agenda.
Biden’s minions won’t defeat us. We’ll be sure to save your fetus.
I’m confident you understand. And I pledge to continue to look out for you and for all that is good and right. You don’t have to thank me.
