Your Dream is Trying to Tell You Something
And Why You Should Listen
I was at my dad’s house in Minneapolis resting when the wave of despair washed over me.
I had just attended a kundalini class and needed to rest before I drove back to my apartment in Des Moines, but sleep wouldn’t come. I lay there restlessly and in one unexpected moment, I could feel this wave of emotion coming toward me, almost as if it was going to literally wash over my body. It felt as though it had traveled a long distance to get to me.
The wave brought with it this feeling of “wrongness.” The feeling carried in it the knowledge that I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. It wasn’t speaking to my literal location, but to what I was doing with my life at that time.
I was instantly reduced to tears. The feeling was so overwhelming that I couldn’t deny it, and yet I didn’t know what I was “supposed” to be doing. I lay there for what seemed like a long time, suddenly very aware of the way that my life didn’t fit my being…
The job which brought a numb comfortability with its scheduled raises and mediocre competition but no real fulfillment.
The social network I existed within with people who weren’t striving for anything more in their lives.
The place I lived, which I loved but had grown stale to me.
The content of my daily life. All of it felt off.
I was unable to shake the feeling and eventually I had to get in the car and drive home to Iowa. As I drove, the feeling slowly faded, as if bits and pieces of it sloughed off while I hurtled down the highway. By the time I reached my apartment, the feeling was at least numbed enough that I could tell myself that it had meant nothing, that nothing had to change.
That week, I went into the office and had a conversation with my boss which hinted at me getting a major promotion, which I never would have thought possible. I should have been elated — I was moving up if the circumstances were right — but I wasn’t. I remember a distinct moment the next morning when I walked into my cubicle. I looked around at the white counter tops with gray padded walls, fluorescent lights beating down on me, and I thought “Is this really it? Is this really all there is to it?”
Meanwhile, the feeling had persisted, it was just less obtrusive than it was at first. By Wednesday, I could no longer ignore it. And while it wasn’t as strong as it was on Sunday, it was still nagging at me, persistently telling me that I must do something.
But what? I didn’t know. It made no sense to me to just up and quit, or up and move, with no idea where I was going or what I was doing. It was frustrating to me to experience such a clear certainty that something must change, and yet I had no idea what to do. “Gimme a clue, here!” I said in my apartment out loud, to nobody or to God. Nobody answered.
I pondered as I sat on the couch with my cat. The only thing I had ever dreamed about, the only real dream I had ever had, was to travel alone for some undetermined time. It didn’t even matter where I went, but in my fantasies I was always alone, always unbound to the place that I had left, and free to choose my own direction. This probably stemmed from my early days as a child, when I was growing up with the smell of jet fuel, the feeling of being pushed back in the seat as we lifted off into the air. The excitement of new places and the rush of listening to foreign tongues expressing what you can only barely grasp.
So maybe that was it? I thought. Maybe this is the time to do it. I was already in my 30s, had no major relationship holding me back, my mother had died the year before, and gone with her was any responsibility that I felt to stick around to help care for her. I finally came to the conclusion that there wasn’t going to be a better time in my life to completely unmoor and go.
The moment I accepted that I was going to dismantle my life even further and finally give myself the only thing I’d ever wanted, the persistent feeling of ‘wrongness” lifted, and I felt nothing but a rush of wild, irrepressible joy.
It was hard to contain when I told the man I was casually dating at the time, even though it was sad news. It was even harder to contain my excitement when I told my boss, whom I greatly respected. I didn’t want her to think I was laughing and skipping out of the office, but there was no repressing the giant smile that broke across my face as I told her that I was leaving to go travel.
I am a believer in cosmic force. I believe the important things happen for a reason. So when this feeling came and stayed, I didn’t take this lightly. I knew that it was a warning, clearly telling me that if I didn’t start to listen to my natural impulses, my life was going to start to unravel. Because what I didn’t know at the time was that one decision would change everything in my life, and it all came from heeding the call of my soul.
It’s been seven years since I listened to that dream, and now the events of this year have made me wonder… where am I ignoring the subtle call? Because this doesn’t happen just once in your life. Your dreams and desires shift and change as you grow, and so you must constantly be listening for them. I’ve begun to wonder: where have things grown stale in my life, and do I have the courage to change them?
Where are you denying your call? Everything you’ve ever wanted will be on the other side of acknowledging and accepting your most wild dreams for your life.
Maybe your dream isn’t to travel indefinitely, but to start your own business. Maybe your dream is to move halfway across the world, sight unseen. Maybe your dream is to start a nonprofit and save lives. Maybe all you want to do is write bad fiction.
Whatever it is, it deserves your respect and attention. And yes, it’s hard at times. It’s hard to let go of the safety net of a job, or a relationship, or a home, or a particular location or group of friends. But I promise you the cost of ignoring your call is far higher than the act of letting go of what you know. If you’re not going to heed the call, what are you here for? If you’re not going to heed the call, what is your purpose here on earth?
