“Special”

I tell you, “You are special, 
But you’re not the only one.”
I tell you that “I love you,
But I cannot tell you why.”

Is specialness tied to rarity? 
To exclusivity?
Is a special dish, served many times,
To many people, any less special?

If you ask me why I love you, 
And I give you a reason,
What does that say of my love, 
If that reason ceased to be?


I think we all have a desire to feel special in some way. In a romantic context the idea of specialness is often conflated with the idea of exclusivity. “I want to be your one and only.”

A big part of what polyamory means for me is making a distinction between those two concepts. I have multiple lovers, as do they, but we are each special to one another. The lack of exclusivity does not take that away.

A common saying among the poly community is “love is unlimited, time is not.” And it’s true. My capacity for love is only limited by the amount of time I have, to ensure that everyone does feel loved, desired, special.

Then there’s the question, related to the desire to feel special, that I often have a hard time answering, “Why [do you love me]?”

Depending on the tone and context, it can mean different things, from being a genuine question born of low self-esteem, to seeking validation, to just teasing. But how does one honestly answer such a question? There are so many reasons, some of them unique to an individual, and some that are more universal, but the reasons are generally neither necessary nor sufficient.

Love defies definition, it refuses to be push in a box. Love itself is, “special”.

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