Contracts and Covenants: Words as Tools for Successful Polyamory

When putting your polyamory in writing makes it hot and happy.

This is from some other event I went to, but it basically applies.

I am a writer, and one of the reasons I have recently discovered is part of that is not only do I love words as a way to express my thoughts and feelings, but I also have ADHD and being able to refer to something in writing helps me in a deep way, to know, to be secure, to be precise.

So, it’s no surprise to me that when we began opening up our marriage I wanted the agreement in writing. Not only is it a great reference, it’s an opportunity to refine what might be implicit, to make it extra clear.

I am also a person who belongs to a covenantal faith, rather than a creedal one. Basically, you don’t have to commit to believing, you have to commit to a way of being in community. (If this freaks you out, you may not be ready for all the mindset shifts of polyamory either…but try to re-orient yourself.)

Our Agreement

At first my husband just wanted some broad ground rules, like “don’t date anyone in our social circle” and “keep it quiet.”

But in working with our therapist, we refined it a lot, and it evolved. I thought it would get shorter after the first year, but it hasn’t. We have removed a number of…