How Ethical Non-Monogamy Makes It Easier to Be Nice

An ENM Facebook group reminded me how good it feels to be respected

John Pucay
Polyamory Today
Published in
6 min readApr 7, 2021

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

I’m part of an indigenous ethnic minority. I’m not a white guy or a rich Asian, and I’m polyamorous. I’ve had my fair share of being stereotyped, misunderstood, and judged. So I try to be respectful and less judgmental to others. Luckily, other people often do the same for me.

My search for Ethical Non-Monogamy communities in my country yielded little results. But when I joined the Facebook group for Ethical Non-Monogamy Philippines a few weeks ago, I was pleasantly surprised at how good it felt to be treated with respect.

It was like crawling out of the Twitter sewers and jumping into an open, well-lit, civilized corner of social media that I never knew existed.

When you want friendliness from strangers, you’ll likely get it from upscale café baristas or savvy bartenders hungry for a tip. Not much on social media. But the folks at the ENM FB group demonstrated an astonishing level of grace that made me feel welcomed, empathized, and connected.

Culture shock

I recently wrote about openly exploring polyamory for the first time. I haven’t been fully “out” with my (immediate & extended) family yet. So when I shared an opinion version of my story on social media, I had a lot of filters.

Screenshot by author.

In fact, there were 113 people I hid the post from. I wasn’t ready to make them know about my relationship orientation yet. Weeks later, when I knew it wouldn’t show up on anyone’s newsfeed, I changed the privacy to “Public.”

I also shared my article on the ENM group feed. When people responded, I felt oddly culture-shocked.

For the first time, I was finally meeting people who understood and felt the same way as I did! There were plenty of comments and it’d be too long to place everything here, but this is a sample.

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John Pucay
Polyamory Today

Author of Karinderya Love Songs; a 2020s dating and sex literary fiction novel. More details at johnpucay.com. Or https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0B3WF1YF8/