Member-only story
How Polyamory Is Helping Me Unlearn Lessons from Purity Culture
My ongoing journey from sex-negativity and shame to autonomy and sex-positive thinking
My first experiences learning about sex were through the lens of purity culture. I used to be the perfect picture of a Christian woman saving sex until marriage, complete with purity ring. Now, I’m polyamorous, which means I may choose to have multiple sexual and romantic partners. To some, it may seem like I’m living my life on the tip of a massive pendulum that swung too far to the other end of the sexual liberation spectrum. But to me, polyamory is a key ingredient to unlearning the damaging lessons from purity culture.
The Key Components of Purity Culture
My experiences with purity culture came from an evangelical private school, a nondenominational mega church, a Christian summer camp, and a slew of books, including “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy.
Here is just a sample of the messages about sex and relationships from purity culture:
- Sex should only ever be between a married man and woman
- Sex is a gift from God that can be tarnished if strict rules are not followed
- Your body — particularly…
