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How to Decode Text Messages as a Polyamorous Person
A case study in reading between the lines and choosing which questions to ask
Two months ago, I celebrated my birthday, which means it's twenty years since I first embraced polyamory. I began my journey in an open marriage and evolved into my current solo polyamorous, self-partnered lifestyle. Years of wisdom garnered from years of mistakes, and I've gained a lot from conversations and situations gone wrong. One of the skills I've honed is how to decode text messages from initial chats. It saves time and energy if you set your emotions aside and follow a few simple steps. Let me break my process apart with a recent set of chats.
Background: A thirty-nine-year-old non-monogamist guy claiming to be a "nerdy, geeky, paintball Ultra liberal" messages me. Okay, that sounds good, and we have a ninety-one percent match percentage on OkCupid. He sends the following to initiate a conversation:
Hi! *insert witty line here* I'm glad to see that you are poly, too. Usually, I get to that point in the conversation and get ghosted. I am mega nerdy…lists interests here…I do like the idea of not texting forever.
I decide to respond, there is some effort there for an initial message, and this guy is trying to lay out his common interests and…
