How to Recognize and Protect Your Boundaries

In relationships and everywhere else

Photo by Max Böhme on Unsplash

The more partners one has, the harder it is to mind everybody’s boundaries.

— me.

Everybody talks about rules in poly relationships. To have them or not, what they should be, and how to actually follow them. I think it’s healthier to be mindful of our boundaries than to follow a set of rules.

What does it mean to be mindful of boundaries?

In order to be able to protect our boundaries, we need to know where exactly they are. If we know where the territory of what’s acceptable ends, any unsanctioned border crossing will set off an alarm.

How exactly can we find out where our boundaries are?

Feelings can help with this. Specifically, the emotions that we don’t like experiencing, like anger, sadness, anxiety, frustration, fear, shame, guilt, and disgust. Each of these emotions can signal a specific boundary that is being crossed:

• Repulsion or disgust shows up when there is too much of something or someone. Or if something is getting too close to us — closer than we want.