I’m Polyamorous… or Am I?
How not fitting into a box has given me the freedom to investigate without shame and self-judgment.
I am a hopeless romantic. From a very young age, I dreamed of finding someone to fall madly in love with, have a white wedding with all my friends there, buy a house in the suburbs and have 2.5 kids. The relationship escalator was ingrained in me by society and its ideals portrayed in every movie, TV show and love song.
It was also deeply revered by my religious upbringing in a Mormon household. Not only would I remain a virgin until I married, but I would be married in the temple for time and all eternity to the man I saved myself for.
I was disappointed time and time again until I met my husband.
Thankfully, I left the church as an adolescent and left the sexual toxicity behind, even if I couldn’t shake the dysfunctional relationship model. I didn’t have a lot of sexual partners in my 20s, but the recurring theme in each relationship was a need for validation and the desire to fulfill my fantasy of the ultimate relationship. I was disappointed time and time again until I met my husband.
Looking back, I realize Paul* really had no concept of the relationship escalator; he loved me and just…
