Red Flags in Polyamorous Dating
Any one of us could likely sit down and make a long list of red flags we’ve experienced in dating. As a polyamorous woman, there are a whole new set of warning signs to pay attention to when I’m getting to know a new potential partner.
Primary Relationships
You can practice polyamory in a million different ways, so when I’m getting to know a potential new partner, I always talk to them about what their polyamory looks like. An arrangement I come across often is people who have a “primary partner,” usually the person they live with, are married to, or have children with, and then date other people outside of that, sometimes called “secondary partners.”
I can’t even count the number of times someone has told me something along the lines of “Well, we were to the point of getting a divorce or seeing other people, so we are poly now.” Being polyamorous should be an intentional decision, not something that happens because you are lonely and your relationship is failing. I have sympathy for people who reach that point in a marriage or committed relationship- I’ve been there. Things were really bad, but I waited until I was single to do any exploring outside my marriage.
Anyone who asks me if I am able to “be discreet” is immediately suspect. This doesn’t just apply to polyamorous dating, but it seems to…
