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Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator
It’s okay if traditional relationship models don’t work for you
When I first told my mom that I am polyamorous and that my new partner already had a long-term girlfriend, she was not thrilled. She had just witnessed the rather complete destruction of my heart by my imploding marriage, so I can’t blame her for feeling protective.
Some of our earliest conversation about the topic centered around the questions she (and I) had about whether we were “dating” or not. If we weren’t dating, what were we doing? I was falling in love. But our intention was not to move in together, parent together, or get married eventually.
I have distinct teenage memories of flirtation, that urge to ask the question. “Where is this going?” It would sit in the back of my throat like a too-big lump of food until the flirtation passed or I somehow gathered the courage to speak it into existence. If you’ve ever been there, you’re already familiar with the foundation of the relationship escalator.
What is the Relationship Escalator?
The Relationship Escalator is a particular, common set of societal expectations. Relationships exist in many forms, but when someone asks if you’re “in a relationship,” they’re talking relationship with a capital…
