Through the Shadow of Fading Love, There is Brightness to Light the Way
When polyamorous relationships end, grieving brings the fascinating feeling of being held and being let go all at once
The day after she dumped me, I locked my keys in the car for the first time in over 10 years.
I always double check that my keys are in my hand before I close the door, but I guess always doesn’t apply when you’ve just spent your 15 minute break crying in your car in the rain.
I’m caught off guard by the weighty blanket of my sadness, left to surrender to bouts of on-and-off weeping for the 12, 24, 36 hours after I woke up to her message. I cry in my car, on the couch, in the bathroom at work, on a bench at my favorite edge of the bay in the sunshine. Yes, yes, I love her. Yes, yes, I miss her. Of course. But also, her rejection piles on like the princess and the pea, one more body on top of piles of mattresses filled with the glares and dismissals of people who said they cared and then decided they were done with me.
I desperately want her to take it back. Give me a chance to have a conversation instead of unilaterally deciding that we were no longer a good fit. One more message, one more apology, one more time where I feel seen and loved by her, to be…
