Ned’s Declassified Prince Survival Guide
by Max Ronquillo and Michael Greenwald
In Honor of Italy winning the Euros, we are revisiting our favorite Italian political philosopher, the great Machiavelli. Truly the granddaddy of modern political science, Machiavelli was a man of many talents: senior official of diplomatic and military affairs, poetic genius, comedy enthusiast, and in his free time he wrote carnival songs — he would rival Charli D’Amelio for #1 Tik Toker for sure. But most importantly, Machiavelli’s The Prince pulled back the curtain on how the ruling class attains and maintains power. This handbook for surviving corrupt leadership served as a template for modern political writings, and we can see parallels with one of our favorite shows: Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide. Just like how Ned compiled tips and tricks to evade bullies, The Prince gives us the tools we need to stop real-life bullies from infiltrating our government. Let’s dive into how understanding Ned’s writings can help us survive corruption!
Nerds vs Nobles? People vs Bullies?
Just how Ned, Moze, Cookie, Coconut Head, and the rest of the gang try to evade all the different bullies in the show, the people are the nerds trying not to be bullied by the nobles. In the show, we see tyrants like Billy Loomer, Jerry Crony, the media man Martin Qwerly (media=sus), mean girl Missy Meany, the all scary Mr. Sweeney, and finally Vice Principal Crubbs. They independently claw their way to the top of the school power structure by messing with Ned and his nerd herd. Even in episodes where main villains do work together, it is always seen as an US vs THEM / NERDS vs BULLIES / PEOPLE vs NOBLES. This is exactly what Machiavelli says in his book, the Nobles will do what it takes in order to maintain their power. Just how the nerds put aside their differences to work together and overcome the bullies, we need to put aside political differences to overcome the Clintons, the Trumps (soon-to-be cough cough Don Jr.), the Bidens, and any other career politicians who take favors from lobbyists and oligarch groups in order to maintain their power and oppress the people. Understanding this dichotomy shows that it should never be a fight between people AKA left vs right, but it should ALWAYS be US vs THEM / NERDS vs BULLIES / PEOPLE vs NOBLES. At the end of the day we are larger in number and STRONGER TOGETHER.
Who is the Prince in Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide?
While all of the bullies have characteristics of a Prince, Mr. Sweeney most consistently protects his principality in the school. There were some student uprisings against Mr. Sweeney, but he always retains his authority by instilling FEAR into their souls. He strategically offers “help” to Ned and his classmates to keep them loyal, like when he gave Ned the Golden Notebook so that he could pass the science test. This gesture created a meaningful bond between Mr. Sweeny and Ned, which Machiavelli asserts is an essential feature of maintaining power.
