How to Give Inter-personal Advice to Other Polytheists
and what to avoid while doing so
If you’ve read enough of the stories here in Polytheist Problems, you might have picked up on my biggest piece of advice: figure it out yourself.
Of course, “figure it out” isn’t all there is to say. If that’s the only solution you give to a variety of problems, chances are that the majority of people will not figure out anything at all. So, it’s okay to need help and it’s okay to do what you can to assist another person of faith with your knowledge.
That being said, the nature of the advice you give can be good or bad, and it is not always dependent on the idea you are trying to share — but can also be influenced by how you are presenting it.
Consider checking out the sister-post to this story, which talks about asking for advice and guidance from other polytheists:
Experience
One of the best ways to give advice is to speak from your heart or share the results of your own trial and error. This provides a sense of communion with whomever you are giving advice to. The advice should reassure them that — yes, you can do things for the gods that “work”.
i.e., Once I started treating Ares like a god of love, our bond strengthened ten-fold.
This directly references how I perceive, worship, and communicate with Ares and shows that I have taken a liberty with my faith. That lets people know that they can take their own liberties, or follow my lead and try to worship Ares as a god of love as well.
Most advice will derive from experiences, and they are often welcomed wholly as a reassurance to the querier. Be sure to only share within your comfort level and do not try to impose “Your Deity” on someone else.
My Ares is not Your Ares — Your Odin is not My Odin.
Generalization
Use blanket terms like “the gods”, “faiths”, “worship” — all of these can be shaped and applied by the querier to appropriately fit their religion. It allows advice to be absorbed and applied by a larger audience and is not wildly dependent on the subject you might be referencing.
i.e., Like witchcraft, intent is what matters in worship — not the process. The gods do not mind what you can manage, so long as you are managing.
This is also a good rule of thumb if you’re like me and enjoy making public posts without being prompted. To appeal to as many polytheists as possible, I try to be as vague as I can on the details while still getting my point across, and I like to provide several options to produce results for the reader.
Generalizing can also be done with advice regarding specific deities. Somebody might ask you how they should go about worshiping a god and the only “correct” answer is to tell them that they will need to learn. You can provide examples to build off of without providing step-by-step instructions.
i.e., I associate Anteros with rainy mornings, the color grey, and the insatiable desire to sigh heavily.
The first two are tangible, and the third is a feeling. With these examples, I’ve painted a picture of my Anteros that gives people an idea of how I admire and worship him. It is specific, but it is open.
Opportunity
The goal of religious advice should be to make people want to try whatever it is you’re suggesting. It should strengthen their faith either by reinforcing it with something productive or by making them realize that it isn’t a good fit at all. Both of these are positive outcomes.
If you allot the querier the chance to fill in the blanks for themselves while presenting a personal association with a deity, they are more likely to actively look for whatever their association is. They might try to relate to your thing, they might find their own. Try not to leave statements at a full-stop unless it’s a question about your god, specifically.
i.e., Devotional chores are my favorite ways to honor Heimdall because it gives me a sense of order and control. It’s all I can manage, but that’s okay.
I state why it’s my preference and provide a reason as to why I bother at all. If somebody tries doing the dishes as an act of devotion, only one of two things will happen: they will feel it or they won’t. At least trying something for your faith guarantees that you will come out more familiar with it than you were before.
Alternatively, I do think that there are wrong ways to give advice — even when meeting the criteria above — even if your message is genuine and you truly want to help.
The most blatant way of giving advice the wrong way is to say:
“You’re not doing it right.”
Or any variant that suggests people are going about their worship in an otherwise ineffective manner. This behavior is exactly what prompted this story, and I hope that people who do give advice take the time to revise themselves and offer suggestions that are actually tangible, meaningful, and kind.
If all you say is: “By meeting [these criteria] and [acting this way], you’re doing it wrong,” truth is, you aren’t doing a very good job of assisting the people that you’re trying to reach. It’s why I started writing stories about my faith on my personal Medium and ultimately why I started Polytheist Problems instead of making a single post that says:
“Everybody’s winging it, figure it out for yourself like the rest of us.”
The Right Path is a secular path — none of us really know what we’re doing anyway.
It isn’t up to you to decide that a worshiper is not figuring things out the right way. Unless the two of you have deemed the other trustworthy to the point of blunt-criticism, you have no business trying to steer people with unsolicited advice. No way in hell would I let somebody tell me I’m looking at something the wrong way if they know little-to-nothing about my faith and experiences with the divine.
You are never going to be a random person’s “aha!” moment — because those moments are secular, too. Even if they get the idea from you, they can only figure it out for themselves, and that’s the way it should be.
You cannot tell people they aren’t worshiping correctly.
Experience, worship, share, advise — but do so mindfully, respectfully, and in a way that gives others the chance to find comfort in feeling it out for themselves.
If people are sad and distraught, let them be that way (and give them a pat on the shoulder, if you really feel the need). If people find joy in casual or modern devotional acts, let them do those things! — even if it seems like they might not be as “enriching” as prayer and ritual. It will come to them or they will find a different solution. It’s not your job to set people straight on what they should be doing in their religion. Share your experiences or suggest something big that they can work on without stripping away whatever efforts they are already making.
I’ve been a polytheist all of my life and it still takes me a long time (years!) to decide if I am ready to work with a deity, and to what extent.
The fact of the matter is that anybody seeking the gods truly, earnestly, in their heart and soul, will find them. The approach doesn’t matter, so long as they are considerate and determined. They will be nagged at to worship (by their gods!), to pray, to offer, and to take further steps. They will be encouraged, delighted, and moved by that which they seek. You just have to give them the chance to do so.
Don’t pressure the people you are trying to help. They’re already on the right track; your job should only be to give them some water and flowers along the way.
