Member-only story
‘Longlegs’ Proves Weird Doesn’t Equal Scary
Nicholas Cage lets his freak flag fly
Did you ever think, “What if they remade Silence of the Lambs, but with evil dolls?”
“And then, what if—wait, hear me out — for absolutely no reason, everybody starts talking in this weird, grammatically-incorrect patois that sounds like it was lifted from Lewis Caroll’s Jabberwocky?”
No, of course you’ve never thought that. Nobody would think that.
Nobody, that is, except Nicholas Cage.
I’m glad I didn’t know Nic was in Longlegs going in, because I might not have given it a chance.
A chance it most definitely did not deserve.
As the opening credits rolled and I saw it not only starred Nicholas Cage, but that he had a producer’s credit, I abandoned all hope, much like every civil servant in America right now.
But I had committed to Longlegs and I was going to watch Longlegs, as painful as the experience might be.
I’m going to save you 101 minutes of your life that you can never get back.
Look, I love Nicholas Cage. Who doesn’t love Nicholas Cage?
