A Little Superhero Movie Preview
They are coming, whether you like it or not
Hi everyone.
[Crowd cheers]
It’s that time again.
[Crowd cheers]
It’s time…to talk about the presidential election.
[Crowd dies down, shouts some explicit language]
Just kidding. Let’s talk about superhero movies.
[Crowd cheers]
That’s right, folks. Today I wanted to spend some time discussing the (way too) many superhero movies that are (probably, I guess?) going to be released over the next few years. I’m not including all of them, because a lot are just shots in the dark that could drastically change (remember when there was supposed to be a Fantastic 4 sequel?) But don’t worry, I’m still going to do my best in spreading the gospel of superhero fanaticism, with an equal amount of alacrity and hopelessly biased predictions.
How am I kicking this off? By talking about… [glances at producers, fixes tie, clears throat]… a movie that actually stars a female superheroine, Wonder Woman.
Wonder Woman
Hype Level: A decently higher level than average, and… [remembers Chris Pine is also starring]…well, actually, I’m very high on this one because it’s going to be the best movie ever made.
[Almost entire crowd cheers — except one very-visibly-upset gentleman, possibly in his mid-to-late 50’s, who seems to be wearing an eerily familiar red hat with some white text engraved onto it]
From what we’ve seen so far, Wonder Woman looks great. The look, the action, and tone suggests a very war-centric time period similar to the original Captain America movie back in 2011. Many were initially concerned about the casting of Gal Gadot. But after seeing her debut in that other movie (the first of many shots I take at DC, so prepare yourselves), those issues seem to have subsided, at least temporarily.
Perhaps it’s the pro-feminist look of the film, or director Patty Jenkins, or DC’s self-realization that “Wow, maybe we should make a live-action film about one of the most iconic female characters in fictional history,” — but I’m feeling some postitive vibes for Wonder Woman. Sure, there’s not much reason for entrusting DC with satisfying our expectations, by any stretch. Sure, there’s the possibility this thing is terrible. But you know what? I’ll go out on a limb: This will be the first (mostly) universally solid DC film to be released.
Yeah, I know, a bold prediction that a movie just “won’t suck” is as indicative as anything.
Justice League
Hype Level: There’s no way they can screw this up that badly, right?
Okay, cool, they showed us a trailer; yeah, there were superheroes in it, that’s cool too; of course, yes, the actors looked cool too. But what — and someone please explain it to me if I’m missing the point — did this do to get us excited for Justice League?
I’m sorry, is it Zach Snyder? Surely, obviously, he’s done a bang-up job so far. Fine, I’m just a hating-ass hater, sue me. But let me just jot down a few notes:
- Green Lantern, a character some might be familiar with, isn’t in the film? Oh yeah, obviously this has nothing to do with the fact their last attempt bombed and that they’re just too lazy to build up the universe. No way, no chance, nope, zero, zilch, nothing.
- Remember when Jason Momoa dazzled us with his magnificent-Atlantean-manliness? When Ezra Miller took us on a high-speed adventure filled with many twists and turns? When Ray Fisher went all “RoboCop ain’t got s**t on me”? You don’t? Why not? I guess, yeah, that’s it: We didn’t get an Aquaman, Flash, or Cyborg movie before they forced them into this desperate conglomeration.
- Hahahahahahaha — bro, imagine if, like six years ago, that someone told you the first ever trailer for the Justice League movie wouldn’t even feature Superman in it? I’m sorry, young DC fan, they decided to (pretend to) kill him in just his second movie in an attempt to artificially make the audience feel like the movie mattered.
- Zach Snyder
Believe it or not, I’m not sold on this one at all.
The Lego Batman Movie
Hype Level: Remember when The Academy robbed The Lego Movie of a nomination? I remember. Regardless, I’m moderately intrigued by this one. I know, I know, you were expecting the Batfleck. Too bad, this is my story and you’re not part of it.
Anyways, there’s not much to report here. Batman was easily one of the hightlights of The Lego Movie, and I’m happy to see some Lego-lisciousness return to the big screen. The latest trailer actually looks pretty dope, too. I can’t help but think it’s going to satisfy me more than half the DC films they’re planning.
Standalone Batman Movie
Hype Level: Nananananana Batman! Batman! Batman! Go Ben Affleck, go.
For some, myself definitely included, the standlone Batman project is more exciting than Justice League. There’s, by my approximation, two reasons for this:
- Batman was friggin’ awesome in that other movie. The kind of awesome that got us excited because of the potential directions the character was going in (“He actually killed people!”)
- Ben Affleck is directing, and he’s made some pretty decent movies.
While there’s no guarantee Affleck will do well by the caped crusader, the peripherals are encouraging — encouraging enough that there’s substantive enough reasons to be excited about it. Let’s just hope that Affleck is able to accomplish whatever vision he has for this character — and his vision, in theory, should be incredibly exciting.
Aquaman
Hype Level: Jason Momoa took a very publicly vulgar, albeit somewhat childish, shot at Marvel. Take what you want from that.
From what I gather, people really like Jason Momoa. Combine that with his aforementioned roast, and I’m ALL IN. We need more petty rapper-esque beef between DC and Marvel. I love it, it’s great. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hope with all my heart that this escalates into Twitter wars with Jason Momoa leading the frontline of the beef brigade. I hope with all my heart that Jason Momoa is the Draymond Green of the DC cinematic universe mafia. I hope with all my heart that Kevin Feige peacefully reaches out for a handshake, and Jason Momoa pulls a Will Smith and straight-up slaps the poor dude. I hope will all my heart that Jason Momoa and Ben Affleck record a diss track and release it the day Justice League hits theaters — and they literally roast every single actor from the Marvel universe.
People are complaining that supehero movies are growing increasingly stale, and that’s true. But this, my dear friends, is the solution. Bring on the beef.
The Flash
Hype Level: For the love of god, DC, why have you only decided to do this now?
I know that my “Hype Level” descriptions are becoming more and more lackadaisical, but stay with me — I’m just trying to get through this DC bunch.
In terms of The Flash, I’m a little conflicted. On one hand, I love Ezra Miller and will always love Ezra Miller simply because of Perks of Being a Wallflower. I don’t care if his next 18 films are terrible, I will always love him.
Then on the other side of things, I’m not sure if he’s the right person to be The Flash, and that’s no dig on his abilities as an actor. By the little we’ve seen, he seems nerdy and awkward, which is generally fine, but it might not feel like the Barry Allen we’re accustomed to.
Doctor Strange
Hype Level: Magic!! Sure, I’m down.
Now we’re talking, son, it’s Marvel time.
Doctor Strange hits theaters this weekend, and so far it’s getting pretty okay reviews. Because of this, my feelings toward the film are undoubtedly swayed. But that ain’t gonna stop me.
Bottom line is this: Marvel hasn’t really missed on any of their movies (one exception being Thor: The Dark World) They’ve even managed to execute on relatively unknown properties like Ant-Man and Guardians of the Galaxy, so there shouldn’t be any reason to suggest they’d falter now. Marvel is basically like the San Antonio Spurs: You may be getting sick of them, but they’re consistently competitive each and every year.
UPDATE: I just saw it. It was good. But I’ll elaborate more, in the future, with an offical review. Hopefully.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Hype Level: I’m hooked, but not on a feeling just yet.
Just a few weeks ago, we finally got our first look at the Guardians sequel. It was short, sweet, and exactly what we’d expect — and that’s not a bad thing, either. It’s just going to be more interesting when we start uncovering more details about the plot and who the characters Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell are playing. But, that’s nothing that’s particularly, or uniquely, exciting — at least for right now.
Let me put it like this: If I were doing a fantasy draft for upcoming supehero movies, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 would by one of my first picks — and that’s simply because it feels like one of the safer options on the list.
Captain Marvel
Hype Level: Pretty low, for now, simply because I have no connection to this character. I really like Brie Larson though!
A very straightforward “Hype Level” description, I know. But that’s all I can really say, since the Captain Marvel character is as close to an unknown as you can get.
One thing I do find intriguing is Kevin Feige’s claim that she’ll be one of the most powerful characters in all of the MCU. Sounds very Superman-ish, and it gives me two reactions:
- Superman is incredibly boring, to me, when he’s practically god-level (Ex: taking a nuke to the face and being totally cool with it after a few minutes.)
- Wait, a woman is going to be tbe most powerful character?!?! That’s awesome!
You know what? Screw it. I’m upgrading my Hype Level to “average”, just because I started realizing how much I love Brie Larson. Fight me.
Thor: Ragnarok
Hype Level: Wait, does anyone really care that much about Thor? Like, does anyone just think “Yeah, THOR, that’s my dude,” when talking about their favorite characters? Below average for me.
Thor Ragnorak would have a hella-below-average Hype Level, if not for the simple fact that Mark Ruffalo’s Hulk will be appearing in the film. That’s not necessarily a shining endorsement, rather a small compensation — since the Hulk is perpetually overrated as a character. Let me guess, he’s gonna get angry and destroy stuff, again! See? I don’t just beat up on DC every time.
Although, can’t lie, something just tells me there’s something more significant to this film than meets the eye.
Black Panther
Hype Level: BLACK POWER!!!!!!!
I enjoyed Black Panther’s introduction in Captain America: Civil War. He seemed like a character with a compelling story begging to be expanded upon, so the Black Panther movie is one I was intrigued by.
Then everything changed.
Michael B. Jordan (G.O.A.T.), Forest Whitaker (G.O.A.T.), and Ryan Coogler (Upcoming G.O.A.T.), have all signed on — we’ve reached peak Black Power! It’s going to be interesting to see how these pieces fit together, and whether or not they’ll be able to deliver a refreshing enough experience for the MCU. Pedigree alone, though, has me ALL IN on Black Panther.
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Hype Level: Spider-Man is my favorite superhero, so I’m completely unbiased by saying this movie will win the Oscar for best picture.
My beloved Spider-Man has had a tumultuous going of things on the big-screen: The original Sam Raimi films were stellar, until the 3rd one farted all over itself — while the Amazing Spider-Man films were decent, but it’s plans for that whole “Sinister Six” saga never came to fruition.
But then, to my heart’s content, came his debut in the MCU with an appearance in Captain America: Civil War, which was exciting enough to reel back in my Spidey-loving-self like a deranged lunatic. Adding to my irrational optimism was the announcement that Tony Stark — who they seem to be setting up as mentor figure for Peter Parker — would be in the film and OH MY GOD IT’S ALL KICKIN’ OFF.
The key is to capture the coming-of-age, high school aspects of the comics—the part that makes Spider-Man so relatable. If the title “Homecoming” suggests anything, it’s that Marvel might be aiming for that. Furthermore, the unreleased trailer from comic-con was, apparently, very much akin to what I’m talking about. Based on these small specs of info, it seems like they’re on the right track.
With Marvel overseeing this new project, I have hope for Spider-Man. This, combined with the upcoming exclusive Spider-Man PS4 game, make me hopeful that Spidey is on the verge of a comeback of epic proportions.
Avengers: Infinity War
Hype Level: How.
Cryptic enough for you? I mean what I said, though, because I haven’t the slightest idea of how the hell this film is going to work out.
Think about it, for a second. In theory, Avengers: Infinity War is going to feature every one of the heroes we’ve seen from the MCU. That’s astounding, and equally terrifying. Such a premise is too much for me to condense into just one section of an article (this might be a tease for something), so I’m going to cut this off quickly since I’m aching to talk about the last film on the list.
Avengers: Infinity War might be one of the most ambitious film ideas in history. Does that mean it will be good? Absolutely not. Is it even possible? That’s the real question, and let me tell you: I can’t wait to get the answer.
Logan
Hype Level: [Watches trailer, decides to write entire column about upcoming superhero films just to have the excuse to discuss this specific one]
Wow.
The generic descrpitor usually used for superhero movies, when they don’t initally seem like the norm we’re used to, is “dark” — and such an infatuation with the word is, more and more, becoming somewhat overplayed. Almost, like, if it being “dark” makes it better. Well, DC can cetainly attest to the inaccuracy of that belief.
Anyways, Logan looks fantastic, and it does, indeed, exude a subtstantial amount of darker tones than the usual superhero flick. Played to Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” — an excellent choice that, admittedly, makes almost anything look better — we are given a taste of a much more bleak, and barren world. Wolverine, the character we’ve come to expect as an unbreakable killing-machine, looks pretty damn broken. He alludes to some form of tragedy that has befallen the world, claiming that the mutants are gone.
How this has happened remains a mystery, which is one of the films biggest strengths. We know it’s based on the Old Man Logan comic, but how much of that is being adapted — we simply don’t know. For now, it’s just a weakened Professor Charles Xavier, Logan himself, and a mysterious young girl that the professor refers to as being a lot like Logan.
It seems as if the story revolves around Logan protecting this young girl from a shady governmental organization, although he is shown to be quite apprehensive to the idea. After watching the trailer for the first time, I couldn’t help but see shades of my favorite video game of all-time: The Last of Us. That game, in short, is incredibly special to me. Anything that reminds me of it, by default, is special to me. So, if you do the math, Logan is incredibly special to me.
I know it’s only the first trailer, and I’ve harped on it for far too long already, but I’m optimistic. If they’re able to combine the western tone of the comic, and create an intricate and emotional story, Logan has some intoxicating potential — which should be a good sign for those that are growing weary of the superhero genre.
Oh, and it’s rated R.
