Super Mario Sunshine Is Better Than Super Mario 64
And I’ll go to court to prove it
January 1, 2016: At around 4:20 PM EST, police apprehended potential suspect Javier Reyes on charges of arson. While not yet confirmed, police say Mr. Reyes had a gaming-related take so hot that it literally set fire to his hometown neighborhood. According to reports, Reyes was said to have made the claim that “Super Mario Sunshine” was a superior game to the iconic “Super Mario 64”. Witnesses say that Reyes was unrelenting in his bold proclamation, and believe that such antics were completely out of line.
“I just don’t understand how someone could be so soulless, so callous, and above all else: So very wrong.” says Adam McCloud. “I just hope justice is served, and swiftly.”
Others believe the suspect to simply be another case of publicity-seeking contrarianism.
“The guy thinks he’s Jason Whitlock or something,” says astrologist James Olimar, “forcibly trying to conjure up some sort of hot take to garner attention, and this time he went too far.”
Whatever his true motivations, it seems that universally every Nintendo fan wants Reyes to pay immensely for his actions.
Mr. Reyes’ trial is set for July 32, 2017.
*The following is a rough transcript of the trial, and it’s very much 100% real without any ounce of fabrication.*
Good morning everyone, today’s first order of business pertains to the hot take situation involving Mr. Javier Reyes and the Nintendo community as a whole. The community believes Mr. Reyes’ claim that Super Mario Sunshine being better than Super Mario 64 was a baseless, reprehensible, and insulting comment to make that deserves proper punishment. Before we begin, does the defendant have anything they’d like to say?
The audience lets out an audible gasp, clearly aghast by Reyes’ seemingly nonchalant handling of the dire situation.
Alright, very well, let’s get started. Mr. Reyes, is it true that you believe Super Mario Sunshine — released for the Nintendo Gamecube in 2002, and what many consider the black sheep of the mainline series of Mario titles—is a superior game compared to the Nintendo 64’s 1996 classic Super Mario 64?
I don’t just believe it, I know it.
After yet another cavalier response from Reyes, the audience once again seems agitated — including the jury, which seems to be entirely compromised of older Nintendo fans. This, of course, does not bode very well for Reyes since this particular construction of a jury is the equivalent of having 10 copies of Ted Nugent deciding in a hate crime case. Anyways, moving on.
I see. Well, the next logical step would be for you to defend your stance; let’s just talk about what exactly you believe makes Sunshine a better game than Mario 64.
Alright, sounds good.
Splendid. So, let me ask you, what’s the main point you’d use to make your argument? What’s the first thing that comes to mind when comparing the two games?
Your Honor, that’s a great question. I just think, to keep it simple, the variety of an experience the game offers is far more endearing, audacious, and unique than that of the old Nintendo 64 title.
Ah, yes, you must be referring to the game’s main gimmick: The water apparatus known as “F.L.U.D.D.”, I believe?
Yes, that’s correct.
A moan echoes throughout the room, reminiscent of the same moan that can be from good people whenever very bad people try to say that Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is a good movie.
I see…so you’re actually quite a fan of F.L.U.D.D.?
Indeed. I just enjoy how much the item offers in terms of the gameplay. While not that it’s a bad thing, Mario 64 doesn’t necessarily have this same level of a dynamic.
Go on.
You can use the main spray nozzle as a way to fight various enemies; the rocket nozzle that shoots you high into the air like you’re a…well…rocket; the turbo nozzle which—in a cool Sonic impersonation — blasts you forward at an extreme speed; and of course the hover nozzle, which you can use to glide through the air for a limited time. The hover nozzle, though, is the attachment that I find to be particularly excellent. There’s still the regular platforming magic in Sunshine as there is in other Mario games, except now there’s an added layer of depth to it. One small example of this platforming depth I can think of is the first world in the game where you have to climb to the top of a windmill, except there’s a few jumps that require you to hover around the vines that are blocking your path.
There’s a litany of other obstacles in Sunshine for which mastering the hover nozzle proves essential, but perhaps what might be even more clever is the sections in the game in which F.L.U.D.D is taken away from you: These secret dream-esque levels.
Hold on, so you’re saying one of your favorite things about the game is when it’s not being like it’s own thing, but rather when it’s like other traditional Mario games?
After this clear instance of Reyes getting dunked on harder than Pau Gasol, the room burst into uproarious laughter.
Order! Order in the court!
Ha! Well played, your Honor. But no, what I meant was that those levels are a brilliant design in gameplay. You see, most of the game you’re used to having F.L.U.D.D as your primary way of traveling about, and you’re used to the hover nozzle as being something of a safety net when you’re making certain jumps. Suddenly, after Shadow Mario steals the device, all you’ve got is your wit and your will to save the world.
What?
Just entertaining myself, don’t mind me.
What I meant to say is that it’s a great instance of kill-or-be-killed level design, dragging you back to old-school Mario platforming in a game that is distinctively not old-school. It’s almost as if the game is saying “Heh, alright hotshot, now let’s see how good you really are.” It’s like if whether or not Deadpool could still have killed the entire Marvel universe if his healing factor (as well as many of his other abilities that got buffed and oh wait don’t get me started) wasn’t upgraded to the point where he can instantaneously grow back his entire head from being blown up.
My point being: It’s a fish-out-of-water scenario that reminds me of when older generations complain about how millennials can’t do anything or whatever, except this time they actually have a point. Also, these levels have a low-key groovy soundtrack.
That was a surprisingly deep analysis with a bevy of correlations for something in a game from 15 years ago.
Yeah, I can be pretty decent at making things deeper than they actually are sometimes.
For sure, but what do you say in response to some of the game’s common complaints? The camera? Level design? The tropical Isle Delfino setting?
Honestly, I don’t vehemently disagree with some of those complaints. The camera is definitely the weakest part of the game, since there’s a multitude of instances where you’ll find yourself making mistakes since you weren’t entirely sure where you were going. But then again, I think people are giving Mario 64 a bit of a pass in that department since there are certain levels — particularly the close-quarters ones like the haunted Boo house—where the camera isn’t all that awesome either.
When it comes to level design, I really believe the usage of F.L.U.D.D balances out some of the overall tidiness in quality between the two games. I do think Mario 64 has some excellent — and often downright flawless—worlds to explore, but again I don’t think it’s that better to justify Sunshine’s ever-so-slightly inferior levels as being a killing blow to the game’s quality.
As for the Isle Delfino setting? That probably just comes down to preference, since I personally adore the colorful and luscious world of the island resort. I’d definitely concede that the basic variety of settings in Mario 64 — with the Bomb-Omb hills, ice mountains, volcanos and lava, ancient desserts with tornadoes and pyramids, to the underwater caverns sprawling with sea-monsters and sunken buried treasure—is more robust than that of Sunshine.
However, I do believe that isn’t giving Sunshine enough credit, since it also has a plethora of cool environments varying from theme park to a haunted hotel with a secret casino. I’m not saying Isle Delfino is better than Peach’s Castle, but rather that I don’t believe it to be a colossal downgrade from the latter as some believe it was.
Mr. Reyes does in fact bring up some solid points, and perhaps his claim isn’t as outlandish as many make it out to be. There’s certa—
Well, wait, it’s definitely a hot take, and I understand perfectly as to why people consider it one of the weaker titles in the mainline Mario series. I just don’t think I should be punished. Like, c’mon, me giving this opinion didn’t literally set fire to a neighborhood. It was probably that poorly-developed character that lived next to me that’ll probably wind up in a terrible movie for the inferior comic univ—
ENOUGH. I was trying to be on your side.
…..oops?
Anyways, that doesn’t matter. What matters is what the jury thinks, and I do believe they’ve been given enough information to render a verdict. So, has the jury made up their mind?
The members of the Jury quickly glance at each other, look back at the Judge and nod their heads in unison. The room is dead silent, with the only exception being the faint sound of a 10-year old’s headphones from watching a playthrough of “Super Mario Galaxy”.
Yes, your Honor, we do. We find the defendant……..
