Hurry! Call your mum (After reading this post though)
“Take care of yourself”. Those were my Mother’s last words to me. An uncanny representation of the selfless life she led. A fellow stand out of that conversation with her was my response- I remember replying something to the effect of “Me? You’re the one in a hospital bed”. It was a very Hollywood-type of response which makes sense because even back then, Film and TV were my only frames of reference for those types of uncharted territory moments. There I stood, faced with several facts and emotions I strongly wanted to dismiss as fake and this somewhat cinematic response was the only thing that felt real to me.
11 years (to the day) and few things still feel real. There are some days when the pain is so visceral that you want to shut down and there are days when you almost forget, which in turn leads you to hate yourself for getting to that point. Most days though, you are in an in-between state which is the most difficult of all. Frankly, there is no manual for this.
The one thing that remains through it all, is how she made me feel. The things she did, her life of service, the lengths she would go to for her family and how all these things helped to shape the man I would become. That is what I am inclined to write about. I am not going to eulogise my Mother because I could do that forever. I would rather use the space to praise our Mothers.
Using some of my favourite TV Mothers (this is a Film and TV blog after all!) I want to look at some of those things that make our mothers such incredibly awesome human beings. For anyone unfortunate enough to be in shoes similar to mine, this is to remind you why she will always be a part of you.
The Villanueva women (Jane the Virgin)
There are few things purer than a mother’s love for her child. While it might seem the bare mini Mother that a parent loves their child, there is something transcendent about the love a mother has for her child. It might sound clichéd but clichés are clichés for a reason. This kind of complex, raw love is not displayed more honestly anywhere else than among the women of Jane the Virgin- Alba, Xiomara and Jane Villanueva.
The kind of love that can go from a screaming match one moment, to teary apologies the next. This kind of love and friendship exists for example, between Grandmother, Mother and Daughter.
As many of you reading know, that adult relationship is an invaluable one. One that can provide you with the clearest advice and infuriate you in equal measure. To take this type of love/relationship for granted would be the greatest mistake anyone could make.
Rainbow Johnson (Black-ish) and Elizabeth McCord (Madam Secretary)
Being a woman is difficult and being an effective working Mother borders on the impossible but so many of our mothers do it and do it flawlessly.
As Elizabeth McCord (Madam Secretary) and Rainbow Johnson (Black-ish) prove, our mothers are most times the smartest people in the room but instinctively know just when to show it. They take their natural empathy, selflessness and all-round incredible attitude into the workplace and produce the best results. No matter how difficult or stressful work gets, their priority always remains their family and home. For this, we are forever grateful.
Cersei Lannister and Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones)
Now wait, hear me out. Cersei might be an all-round terrible person who would rather let her people die than swallow her pride and fight alongside her contestant for the throne but her one (only?) redeeming quality would be her love for her children. From Cersei’s point of view, everything she’s done, she’s done for them.
For the purposes of this post, Cersei and Daenerys are probably more similar than it appears. Both show (admittedly to an extreme degree) what mothers are willing to do for their children and the lengths they will go to protect their family members (Which of our mothers hasn’t contemplated starting a seven-kingdom war?).
Jessica Pearson (Suits)
Sure, Jessica doesn’t have children of hers but honestly, after years of her dealing with Harvey, Louis and Mike, are you really going to contend with me on this?
Jessica not only reiterates the point of being the smartest person in the room, she personifies it. She shows that no one is ever too smart, too old or too successful to be put in their place. This is something most of us learnt from an early age, but sometimes need reminding. She is always on hand to put out any fire even putting out some before they start. She is also not averse to letting a fire burn to see how the team (family) deals with it.
OG Status: The first Aunt Viv (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
During Janet Hubert’s run as Aunt Viv (Seasons 1–3), the Banks family was blessed with one hell of a matriarch. Smart, funny, woke, stern but approachable. She showcased a side to the black woman/mother that wasn’t commonplace on TV at the time. She also perfectly embodied many of our Mothers. To this very day, watching any of those episodes, I never fail to see my Mother in her. She showed that many Mothers, especially MOCs (Mothers of Colour — yeah feel free to make that a thing) were incredible, strong, complex beings and she quite frankly was a combination of every value I have spoken about in this post.
I love my Mother and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. For anyone who has lost someone as close, you know how difficult it can be. You also know how precious the time you spent with them was. You look back on the memories with such fondness and sometimes it is just enough to get you through the day. What is lasting, as I mentioned earlier, is the impact they have on you. That can never be erased and as much as I wish I could spend another day with my mother, I am eternally grateful for the years I spent with her. I am grateful because she has permanently made me a better person.
So, no need to procrastinate it, go ahead, call your mother and tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her.
To all mothers out there, I say a heartfelt thank you.
R.I.P Izevbua Martha Imoukhuede
Bankole Imoukhuede
@banky_I
Originally published at popcornfordinner.me on 19/12/2018
