Pop Culture Mondays/12.7.20
The “Hipster Church” Edition
HAPPPPPPPY Monday my darling pop culture junkies. I hope you are all safe and healthy…I mean by now we all know someone with COVID or we have had it and fought it ourselves…the numbers are staggering and I am finding myself becoming my mother who was SUPER JUDGY tbh and I see gatherings of people with no masks and I am SCREAMING “CORONA VIRUS” and if I had a cane I would shake it at them. It’s really staggering how many people seemingly give ZERO fucks and refuse to be safe for themselves and others which means that places like LA are back in full on lockdown. AND the people who are out there saying “HELL NO” to getting the vaccine because they are afraid of what’s in it? Sorry, but the people I know who tell me this are the same people I KNOW snorted whatever they could back in the ’90s not to mention the amount of RED BULLS that are pumping thru their bloodstream BUT THIS IS AMERICA. SIGH.
Well, hopefully this edition is a bit of an escape…I mean it’s not a “trip to Jamaica where we are swimming in the blue blue sea while smelling of coconut sun cream while a rum drink with pineapple slices and jerk chicken is waiting for us when we get out of the water” escape….but THAT WILL COME. In the meantime, enjoy….also we are Trump-free which is really easy to do because WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT GUY?? WOO boy…buh-bye CHUNK.
HOT PRIEST:
OK, so I have talked about my past and religion here before but as a refresher I have a complicated history with religion. I was born into a Quaker family and my first 5 years or so were going to Friends Meetings. THEN, we became Presbyterians and church became a BIT fancier and I had to dress up and Christmas was a BIG deal and I was either an angel in the Nativity or a bell ringer and I always wore white tights and black velvet Mary Janes. I was baptized at 6 as a Presbyterian. BUT this was tricky as I was also one of 13 girls at the Convent of the Sacred Heart school where I wore the perfect little plaid jumper (a dress for those in the UK, not a sweater) and blue knee socks and a blue cardigan. I loved it so much. This was a CATHOLIC school with full on nuns in their habits and chapel every day and I had to take First Communion classes because I was a student there. I would say, my FIRST brush with church and scandal was there…when APPARENTLY the head priest at the time, Father Daryl or something like that…ran off with a high school senior. This was the early ’80s so I imagine she was one of those girls in a Benetton sweater wearing frosted brownie lipstick and had feathered hair and wore Vuarnets. I mean I have no idea, but that’s what I imagine.
ANYWAY, then my mom decided she wanted to become a Presbyterian MINISTER so she started going to Union Theological Seminary and our nightly Uno games turned into me holding my mom’s index cards as she learned Latin and other Theology-ish things. I WAS SURROUNDED BY JESUS. THEN IN FACT my mom decides we are NOW Episcopal which is more like being Catholic and it was all confusing. So I was Confirmed as an Episcopal I think I was 14 or so with a very posh ceremony and lots of incense and singing and my mom began to wear robes and she stopped shopping at Neiman Marcus where we used to go every week for shopping and popovers for lunch and instead started POURING over the latest in HOT PREACHER fashion in catalogs where she would look at all the latest trends in priest wear. THIS REALLY HAPPENED.
Very much like this first clip in this “FLEABAG” montage:
ANYWAY, long story short…..I am JEWISH. It turns out. Like FULL on Jewish…like 88 PERCENT Ashkenazi Jewish (thank you 23 & ME) so this religion thing is a total head fuck. I will say my first flirtations from older men ALWAYS happened in a church setting…just as I started “blossoming” as a teen as one would say, it was always some creepy man/someone’s dad at church/reverend/ who would make some super inappropriate comment to me and it was CREEPY AF.
SOOOOOOO…..this is a long story to get us to Hillsong, another CHURCH. I was introduced to Hillsong maybe like 8 years ago…give or take. I was told it was a new take on church and it came from Australia and it was FUN and modern and for people like ME who was skeptical of church and religion in general…it incorporated music and it was unlike anything I have ever seen. I was invited to attend with regulars and when I arrived at Irving Plaza — a MUSIC VENUE — late morning on a Sunday, I noted that I usually was LEAVING Irving Plaza on a Sunday morning, pretty drunk, with a cigarette in hand after a rock show. But here I was, in a summery dress and sandals going to a church service. I arrived to find women wearing tight jeans or leather pants and high heeled Louboutins and men looking like they were DIPPED in John Varvatos with low v-neck t-shirts and silver necklaces. EVERYONE was hot and I looked like fucking LAURA INGALLS WILDER.
We stood outside Irving Plaza as more people began arriving and THEN, the group I was with were given WRISTBANDS and ushered into the venue to the VIP SECTION…up in front of the stage of Irving Plaza we were taken to a roped off section and everyone else around us were looking to see who we were because…VIPs. AT “CHURCH”.
It didn’t feel like 11AM, it felt like midnight as the place was dark and loud music was pumping and the strobe lighting or whatever it was, was VERY ROCK SHOW. And then the show, aka church service started. And it was loud and everyone was beautiful — and there were thousands -and NO one was over 35 and they all had their arms high up in the air and the band was rocking but instead of singing about sex drugs and rock and roll they were singing about…JESUS. I mean fuck, even I got into it. I think I raised one arm because I AM A SUCKER FOR HOT MEN WITH GUITARS singing songs that made the hairs on your arms stand up. I mean check this out…it has 176 MILLION views:
ANYWAY…then comes the Pastor. I know all about how important a Pastor/Priest/Minister is in terms of bringing the flock together. My mom would rehearse her sermons like an actor rehearsing for a play. It’s theatrical…you need to bring people together and inspire them and the whole energy and dynamic is important.
BUT OMG PASTOR CARL WAS HOT. He came out onto the stage…he was wearing a button down shirt with the sleeves cut off and unbuttoned down to almost the naval and a ton of silver necklaces like he was dipped in YSL and Varvatos and had on a MASSIVE expensive looking watch and I looked around the “flock” and girls were LOSING THEIR SHIT. Like Elvis had just entered. They pushed forward more, they fixed their hair, they had that look girls do when at a concert and they just HOPE the lead singer notices them.
Here is Pastor Carl preaching:
And I was buying whatever this dude was selling, I am not going to lie. When it was time for “communion” they handed out candy…CANDY! Pastor Carl could have told me to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and at that moment I probably would have. It was INTOXICATING. A perfect way to manipulate a certain group of people….be HOT, be fashionable, wear expensive brands, play music that is pop/rock, make it a club feel, make a VIP section…and then BOOM you have a flock and you have MONEY coming in and it’s a story as old as time.
As is when the mighty fall. AND if I have ONE super power…my ONE SUPER POWER is identifying the bad boy…I have a radar and I HONED IN ON PASTOR CARL. AND VOILA, call me the least surprised….AS Pastor Carl inevitably did fall….we saw him hanging with the Bieber and other famous artists…looking hot and like he was having a good ole time. HE became TMZ and Daily Mail famous. And then we learn Pastor Carl has been a bad husband and had at least one affair…likely more…but was caught because of TECHNOLOGY as his texts exchanges ended up on the work computer his team was also using. AND TABLOIDS GO NUTS. And I didn’t write about it before because it was all so OBVIOUS and cliche and what more could be said. BUT then the New York Times did an amazing look (link below) at it and I was like “I HAVE TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE”.
Hillsong is a juggernaut regardless…they have a bajillion plays on Spotify and YouTube…the numbers are staggering. But like all churches…scandal is just under the surface. Don’t AT me…I have seen it in EVERY CHURCH I was a part of as a kid. EVERY head of a church was having an affair or playing with children or stealing from the church accounts or ALL OF THE ABOVE. Whether they are wearing fancy robes, or YSL leather pants…it’s always the same.
AND PS: Pastor Carl was one of the people that brought wire-rimmed aviator glasses into the frontlines of pop culture and I say this with all seriousness…this is one of his BIGGEST OFFENSES.
A VERY BRAVE MOMENT:
The actor formerly known as Ellen Page came busting onto the pop culture scene back in 2007 in “Juno” the incredible movie I saw at least twice in the movie theatre and countless more times at home — about a teen who gets pregnant and how she navigates it — from thinking about having an abortion to deciding on adoption to navigating another badly behaved older man. It was a really big movie to me. And Ellen Page became a superstar. And has been in really interesting films and shows since…including the “Umbrella Academy” which I FREAKING LOVE.
And then via Instagram this past week, they posted this:
Elliot announces he is trans and what his pronouns are and what he is feeling → from joy to fear and everything in between. It was beautiful and honest and a very big moment for the trans community and an inspiration to so many people. And of course there are the crazies…the small minded people but the good news is there are more of the other kind of people I truly believe…those who are supportive, and open, and even if they themselves don’t understand they can be supportive and respectful and joyful for others. And Elliot gives SO many people in the shadows, afraid of facing their own battles, the confidence to step forward into the light.
I love it so much.
TIKTOK TREND TO KNOW: BAD ROMANCE:
Sorry to kill you, but Lady Gaga’s “BAD ROMANCE” came out 11 years ago. ELEVEN. You remember working out on the treadmill to that song right? And now you’re thinking like “NO WAY that was only recently” but NOPE it was 2009 and you need to just accept that TIME DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.
And so I was surprised to see all of a sudden on my FYP (that’s the brilliant For You Page on TikTok where their algorithm is UNPARALLELED) a bunch of TikToks with people lip syncing to a version of Bad Romance — a song most were probably little kids when it came out — but this version was different…it was sung by someone other than Lady Gaga — a TikTokker named Grace Groski — and here is the original sound:
So you see it’s just the chorus but it escalates…an octave up each time maybe is how to describe it? I am not a musician so forgive me…but it goes up in each chorus…giving a feeling of rising in intensity. And the people lip synching were telling their story of trauma in the video thru text. Each chorus unveils another layer to the escalating trauma → could be abuse, could be a tragedy, could be a break up…either way these stories are generally gut wrenching. For example:
And it is pretty powerful to see over and over. Yes some are having fun with it and making it lighter and more humorous but it hits on why TikTok is just so powerful and is not just about silly dances to songs but is a powerful tool for people to use to have a voice..whether confessing a trauma that has happened or them or calling people out for bad behavior…it’s a pretty incredible thing. But one question I am still unclear on the answer — Does Grace make money from this trend? Her sound is being used in these videos getting millions and millions of views…is she making money??? I hope so.
OK SOME OF MY FAVORITE/OR NOT SO FAVORITE THINGS:
I know I went on a rant on the church post sorry…that took a lot out of me this morning and this is after I walked the dog at 5AM, did a Peloton class, prepped a client for a CNBC spot which was AWESOME, had 4 cups of coffee and then wrote about rock and roll JESUS church, so forgive me. But some other things popped up on the radar this past week. Some are good…some are not so good.
- It pains me to say this because I LOVE ME SOME OLIVIA BENSON and Law & Order SVU but I have to say it…they should not have a season this year. I appreciate the attempts to incorporate COVID and BLM and everything that has happened into a show but it is not working and they are using masks in such a way it is having the opposite affect…they take their masks off when talking to people close to them and put them on when alone…it has to stop. I cannot tell you how many people have pinged me on this. THUMBS DOWN.
- I AM A WEED INFLUENCER NOW!! I mean, sure why not. I used to smoke a lot of pot in college because it was cool to be a girl with a purple bong covered in Grateful Dead stickers but here we are in 2020 and I received a package that if it had been when I was in college I would be serving 20 years for…but I digress. Anyway, it was awesome and thoughtful and I had to call them out because they were SO unique and it was from a cannabis retail boutique in LA called Sweet Flower and it was a box of cannabis (rolled joints with glass filters!!) from Ball Family Farms (GREAT GIFTS for the weed smoker in your life…) which is the first Black owned Social Equity company in LA and I loved it. SO I HAD TO SHOUT OUT.
- Bob Dylan is buying dinner next time I have dinner with him. I have never had dinner with Bob Dylan but I am SAYING next time it’s on him:
- AND ONCE AGAIN, I LOVE IRELAND. I am so sad not to be there this Christmas…SANTA IS EXEMPT FROM QUARANTINE IN IRELAND!!!!!!!! 🇮🇪 🇮🇪 🇮🇪
Ok my darlings, that’s it for me. I need to be cleansed of my sins from this week’s edition I know this. Bad priests, weed, TikTok trends calling out abuse…I NEED A DRINK. HANG IN THERE!!
PLEASE stay safe out there and stay home and don’t go to parties or funerals or have big weddings please please…think about where we will ALL go the minute we are all able to come out again and we will in TIME. In time.
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