Pop Culture Mondays/3.2.20
Live from Miami Beach
by Brooke Hammerling on Monday, March 3, 2020
Happy Monday, my almost quarantined pop culture junkies! I honestly thought I skipped a week accidentally because last week truly seems like a million years ago. What have we as as a society become this past week? From the Coronavirus task force being an all male revue of old mean rich white men who I think would actually love to clean house of us pests to Harvey being convicted but STILL hanging out at the hospital working every possible angle NOT to go to Rikers, to everything being cancelled because of THE VIRUS, it’s been a helluva week kids. I am coming to you live from the Soho Beach House in Miami which is where I want to be stuck if a quarantine happens because…it’s heaven and well…MIAMI. But I digress…
This was really a pretty schizophrenic week with nothing dominating the global consciousness more than the Coronavirus, so bear with me while you take a few minutes for this Trump-free brain candy, and buckle up. I also want to say, AS PREDICTED, “Love is Blind” from Netflix has taken the world by storm so if ANY of you have not yet seen it, please watch nothing else this week so you too can be part of the whole global conversation of “OMG WTF, JESSICA IS GIVING HER DOG WINE??” and with that, let’s dive in….(WASH YOUR HANDS YOU FILTHY BEASTS!!!)
THE PERFECT COLLAB: LOVE IS BLIND & CORONAVIRUS:
Guys, I JUST told you to watch the Netflix reality dating show, “Love is Blind”, which I told you all about last week so really, shame on you for not having done so. For the 5 people reading this WHO I HAVE NOT spoken to personally this past week where I gave a play by play run down of this show, let me explain VERY quickly:
The premise of the show are men and women, seemingly straight, being paired up with one another but they never meet face to face, rather they get to know one another while cooped up in pods where WE can see each of them but they can only hear one another. This EXPERIMENT as they call it is meant to make these hopeless romantics get to know one another without knowing what they look like. And the only way to continue on the show is if you fall in love and get engaged and if you get engaged, then you finally meet and then WE follow them on their journey to Cabo, to cohabitating, to meeting families to eventually maybe the altar. I had not finished my first glass of wine before a few couples were engaged, and I drink fast!
SO…Saturday Night Live this weekend tackled this show in the best SNL way…adding a little Coronavirus in the mix. The show was hosted by John Mulaney who is an incredible comedian AND a dad to the INSTA-FAMOUS french bulldog, Petunia, who I have been absolutely desperate to set up with Potato — so this is a shameless attempt at getting Petunia’s attention. Anyway, this skit is perfect PCM as it takes a trend that’s happening and then adds layers to it making it my favorite kind of pop culture moment so take a minute even if you haven’t seen the actual show…YET (PS notice the job descriptions of each contestant in this skit):
I mean this SNL was so good I encourage you guys to watch the whole show but another skit that was much talked about on The Twitter was one which merged a bunch of musical theatre into taking on the world’s WORST airport, Laguardia, and the world’s worst mayor, de Blasio, with a little Jake Gyllenhaal and David Byrne mixed in. It is one of those skits that unfolds into a better skit which unfolds into a better skit. ENJOY:
GET YOURSELF TO THE GYM:
As I was sitting there in my workout clothes, on my couch, coming up with one excuse after the next to NOT walk my ass the 4 blocks to my gym (too cold, too rainy, not enough time to blow dry my hair, too contaminated, etcetera etcetera) I came upon this absurdly mind blowing video of UCLA Gymnastics star Nia Dennis in what I can only describe as a mesmerizing floor routine that left me shook (also in tears because it was so beautiful and mind blowing and also I was basically eating Mallomars on my couch). Her athleticism is insane, but add that to a Beyoncé playlist and the pure joy Nia puts out there…just TRUST me you too will watch it 15 times before FINALLY getting off the couch, brushing the crumbs off and getting to the gym. Watch the whole thing, trust me.
RUN BABY RUN:
I am going to guess (aka HOPE) that I am not the only one who up until recently (or NOW), had NO idea this animal ever existed. I mean I guess if I lived in the southwest I would be more familiar, but I can safely say that until this past week this creature never entered my consciousness. Until I saw a video of one making a break for it that took over my socials.
First, a little on this adorable creature. A JAVELINA (HAVÉ-LINA) also known as a Peccary (thank you Wikipedia) or a SKUNK PIG, is a medium sized pig-like (BUT NOT A PIG) hoofed mammal that eats veggies and weighs between 44 to 88 lbs (that’s between 20–40 kgs to those of you in the civilized world). They are known for their odor, and are social creatures that live in herds (just like US!) and are found in Central and South America and the southwestern part of the US.
Back to the video — many metaphors aka MEMES were created from the run away Javelina which seemed to be how all of us were feeling this week, Run baby run run run…
GIF OR JIF: WE HAVE A SOLUTION:
I am one of those people that truly has a soft spot for clever brand activations that are silly or timely or have a sense of humor. Like the Oreo cookie Super Bowl tweet when there was a blackout. It just FEELS good. And that’s how I felt when I saw this story this week where Smucker’s, the makers of Jif peanut butter teamed up with Giphy, the gif maker, to tackle the HOT BUTTON topic of how to pronounce “gif”. Frankly, I am someone who thinks that EVEN if the inventors of the gif have gone on the record saying it is pronounced with a soft “g” so therefore a jif, if you say jif you are an ANIMAL. But hey, that’s me. Now, the HOT PRODUCT to buy this week is GIF peanut butter with a HARD G and no, don’t get crunchy, because gross.
YES GRUMPY BABY, WE FEEL YOU:
This is really one of those incredible photos which tells so many stories. This beautiful baby girl from Brazil, was captured the moment she was removed from her momma’s belly via C-section. AND GIRL was like what the ACTUAL F***? The baby did not come out screaming, instead she came out seemingly SUPER pissed at her doctor for removing her from the safety and sanity of her amniotic fluid spa. Or pissed that she had paparazzi the second she breathed oxygen. BUT…it’s like she KNEW the world she was entering into at this moment was HOT TRASH from Coronavirus to political madness, this little beauty is ALL OF US.
MY EX-BOYFRIEND IS….
Wow is this a game I personally don’t want to play as my friends will very much know. But I am guessing there are a few stories out there we could all share, but thankfully the incredible Lindsay Crouse, an Opinions writer for The New York Times, DID IT FOR US and wrote a very personal and funny essay about this very topic. You see, her ex-boyfriend of seven years is now dating Lady Gaga. CAN YOU IMAGINE? BACK STORY is, Gaga is dating Michael Polansky, a techie who is actually, from all I hear from those who know him, a SUPER LOVELY guy. But before he was thrust onto the world stage by putting our Bradley Cooper dreams to the side, he was in a long term relationship with Lindsay. I wish I could say I have no idea what having something like this would feel like, but I do and I remember the day an ex of mine was in the press for getting married and I had all my friends reaching out like OMG are you ok and I was like, “I AM TOTALLY OK why do you ask??” while sitting there numb on my couch in sweatpants, back to eating my Mallomars watching my LAW & ORDER: SVU and telling everyone to leave me be, so LINDSAY, I HEAR YOU.
But Lindsay wrote a funny and beautiful piece and was so complimentary to Gaga that I feel like the 3 of them could become besties and everyone lives happily ever after. PURE JOY.
A MUST READ:
NYC SCREECHES TO A HALT:
NYC had its FIRST confirmed Coronavirus case this weekend. We all collectively shrugged and went about our day. There was a BRIEF shudder when we thought our beloved DIET COKE would be a victim to the Coronavirus as stories about there being a shortage were all over the socials so people aka ME stocked up on cases of it. We got this.
BUT then NYC stood still. WHY? BECAUSE, the PLASTIC BAG BAN went into effect. Wait WHAT? What has de Blasio done THIS time? NYers and single use cheap plastic bags go together like peanut butter and jelly, Sunny and Cher, cookies and milk, vodka and soda….you get the drift. I am telling you, there was more outrage and fear in my What’s App groups about the plastic bags than the VIRUS by a long shot.
Let me be clear — PLASTIC BAGS ARE CANCELLED — and THAT’S GOOD! So here’s the deal, you can actually have all the paper bags you want…you just have to pay $.05 for the bag. 5 CENTS people. Or else, get a subscription to the New Yorker which comes with a free tote (I am looking at you Deborah), and become a REAL NEW YORKER once and for all.
Most NY story ever:
There were so many more stories this week but THIS girl needs to go get in the sun and swim in the ocean so I have put the links to other things to know below:
- Jack Welch has died.
- Staying in jail would have been better. Rod Blagojevich is charging $100 per Cameo.
- WTF of the WEEK: Whitney Hologram Tour
- 2nd WTF of the WEEK: ONE MILLION!!!
- FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK: Greta & Malala
Until next week my Pop Culture Junkies….
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