Pop Culture Mondays/3.29.21

The CEREAL Edition

Welcome to my brain…

Happy MONDAY MY POP CULTURE JUNKIES!!! Sorry for the yelling but I am just so ready to kick off this week and put the past week behind us. From cereal drama to the boat getting stuck in the Suez Canal to the boat getting UNSTUCK in the Suez Canal to Chrissy Teigen leaving the Twitter to Medium, this VERY platform I love and have found my voice on, changing course and everyone is up in arms…I couldn’t keep it all straight. IT WAS EXHAUSTING. Also, I am back home in LA which is so weird to say…HOME in LA like I never thought me, ultra NYC-girl would have ever put those words together but here I am and NO ONE ever told me that in March you can smell jasmine everywhere you go in LA. It’s amazing and frankly I am not sure why this is not the advertising campaign to get people to move here. COME FOR THE JASMINE, stay for the influencers roaming the streets doing photoshoots and TikToks.

LA, call me. I am for hire to do all your re-branding.

BUT I digress….let’s get to it. I hope there are MORE of you that are vaccinated today than there were last week and to all reading who have not been vaccinated I just have to say PLEASE get the vaccine as soon as you can and if you are an older white conservative male (hahah no I know you are not because like WHY would you be here?) but IF for some reason you are reading this right now and YOU identify as an older white male conservative — the number ONE group of people not getting the vaccine because…well I don’t think anyone needs to explain the “why” here…I will PERSONALLY give you a 6-pack of Coors Light or Mikes Hard Lemonade or whatever it is YOU fancy in that department if you go and get one. I WILL MAKE THIS COMMITMENT TO YOU.

OK if you are new here…welcome! SO many new subscribers I am so honored and confused and worried for you. 😘 We are and always will be Trump-free which is a lot easier these days am I right? THANK GOD. But this is a guide that MIGHT just help you relate to your teen daughter a BIT more or at least understand what she’s watching on TikTok. Or it just might be a fun escape. Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy.

SHRIMP-Gate

THIS STORY HAS A LOT OF LAYERS:

I honestly hate myself for spending anytime on this story but I have gotten so many questions from friends and readers on this one. Some of you might know the whole story…some may only know a part of it and some of you might be confused by the whole situation. I will try to summarize and I am sure because there are SO many layers I will miss some of it which I am sure someone will correct me on. But here is what I got:

SO, a comedian slash writer named Jensen KARP (stay with me here) who is married to an actress MANY a millennial will know as Topanga from “Boy Meets World” who’s real name is Danielle FISHel (hang in there) went viral for apparently finding SHRIMP TAILS in his beloved Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. THERE IS A LOT OF FISH CONNECTIONS HERE, am I right.

Actually there are more:

But he swears thats what he found in his bag of cereal after dumping the remaining cereal out. Apparently, shrimp tails were covered in the cinnamon sugar coating the rest of the cereal is. He tweeted:

So the socials went crazy….

And then General Mills apparently responded but also sort of like Gaslighty which fed the flames if Mr. Jensen Karp:

It was obviously shrimp tails so this is a weird and incorrect strategy and this goes back and forth as then Jensen believes the small black things he also found MIGHT be rat feces so that sets off a whole other conversation(apparently it wasn’t). But Mr. Karp tweeted A LOT. I would be here all day, as would you if I shared them all. Some were funny. Some were annoying AF (for those who do not know what AF means and have been to afraid/embarrassed to ask AF → “AS FUCK” (you’re welcome) …but none really addressed the issue to me that was GLARINGLY OBVIOUS. WHY THE FUCK is a grown ass man eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch every day? OK I digress…

But SHRIMP TAILS were trending. We live here now:

OK there are a million more. SHRIMP TAILS dominated the news. This will pass and we will all forget. BUT NOPE. Because we cannot have nice things, it turns out our sweet sugar addicted comedian Mr. Jensen is in fact….AN ASSHOLE. Jensen Karp was “MILKSHAKE DUCKED”.

WTF IS MILKSHAKE DUCK? YES my lovelies this is a NEW term to you and you shall never not think of it moving forward and if your kids now talk about milkshake duck YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. According to VOX:

“Milkshake Ducking” is what happens when the entire internet turns its attention to something innocuously fascinating (say, a duck who loves milkshakes) before finding out that, actually, the duck is racist. Sometimes it happens because people search a person’s social media history for racism, sexism, homophobia, or otherwise unacceptable behaviors. With Karp, it was former colleagues and partners who came forth with allegations.

It apparently was born from this tweet 5 years ago and is proof why we cannot have nice things:

SO, Jensen Karp was milkshake ducked. An ex of his (imagine seeing your toxic ex-boyfriend achieve viral fame that everyone is loving him for like how triggering that must be so I am HERE for ex-girlfriend getting her revenge…BEST SERVED COLD):

It opened up the flood gates:

OK….so this basically took me 3 hours to compile and this is JUST scratching the surface. BUT I cannot write anymore about it. Here are some links to some articles on the whole thing:

ALL OF US

THE BOAT THAT LAUNCHED A MILLION MEMES:

We all know what happened. We all know that TODAY the boat has become UNSTUCK. We know how we got here. But we might not know all of the memes so this post is just dedicated to some of my faves. The boat really was the perfect metaphor for us at this point and the creators DELIVERED:

AND THIS:

BUT WAIT…..the boat is now unstuck and the INTERNETS DO NOT WANT THIS. They want the boat to go back to being stuck…it was a more innocent time, we were all ok and happy in boat stuck world…we came together…we put our differences aside for a minute. WE WERE UNIFIED.

PUT. THE. BOAT. BACK.

AND JUST A FEW OF MY FAVE THINGS (AND MAYBE ONE DESPICABLE ONE):

You guys don’t want all my words. WORDS ARE BORING! You want videos and memes and new trends!!! I GOT YOU. SO with that just a few things that caught my eye this week….

  • OK this is not my fave thing but some of my fave clips of a great woman we lost this past week, Jessica Walter aka LUCILLE BLUTH. She was all of our MOMS. NOT YOURS? OK, then I am sorry for you….
  • Orlando Bloom. That’s it. That’s the post. OK, well in case you missed it…he was UNIVERSALLY mocked for this out of touch interview:
  • CHRISSY LEFT US ON TWITTER.

I am not going to lie, I have a FEW moments in my life that I will never forget…moments that shaped me and have moved me and have just had a huge impact on me. Starting my own company. Buying my first home. Falling in love with my dog and getting his face tattooed on my arm. Getting open heart surgery. AND….when Chrissy Teigen followed me on the TWITTER. THAT day…I remember the tweet that got her to follow me. I remember what I was wearing and the time of day. I remember thinking about all the outfits I would wear when she inevitably invited me over to cook in her kitchen and play puppets with her adorable little mini humans. I thought about how I would do my hair and what clever things I could bring up to make her laugh. I KNEW WE WERE GOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS. But like I said, we cannot have good things. She swears it was not the trolls and it was not Twitter’s fault, but that the platform was just not serving her well anymore…and for that I applaud her but I will miss her. She is still in Instagram (ahem…I am @brooke on INSTA Chrissy, find me there!!!) but really her words and insights were just so ON POINT and real and what not.

  • MY FAVORITE THING TO WATCH at the moment besides true crime (obviously) are shows that take me to far away lands I will probably never get to but really want to escape to for a bit. WHY I LOVE places like Discovery+ which is streaming THE LAST UNKNOWN where photographer (and my friend) Ian Shive shows us things WE HAVE NEVER SEEN and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND:

And the ORIGINAL:

OK that is it my darling pop culture junkies. I have to go back to my real job and also I am doing my PROLON cleanse currently to pay for my sins of the weekend and there were many many many sins in the form of beignets and cheese (separately, I am not a monster). So I cannot wait to go to bed at 5PM which is only way to handle this cleanse.

Be safe, be kind.

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A weekly round up of all the news you’re too embarrassed to admit you don’t know. Or too embarrassed to admit you DO.

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Brooke Hammerling

Brooke Hammerling

Talk to me about tech, pop culture, cheese or dogs.

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