Impostor syndrome or Intimidated?

Everybody talks about the impostor syndrome but what if the feeling is deeper? What if you feel intimidated?

Impostor syndrome: Also known as impostor phenomenon or “impostorism,” is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Intimidated: Feeling frightened or lacking confidence in the presence of a particular person or situation.

Sometimes feeling intimidated has nothing to do with the people or circumstances that intimidate you, it has to do with your own insecurity. How often do you feel nervous or even anxious when you have your first 1–1 with your manager or when you meet the company's CEO? What about going to an event where you know nobody, how about answering questions in a room full of people?

Before I worked as a developer, my wife and I had our own construction company, we built and installed custom windows. I remember how I felt when I met the CEO of the raw materials company and the CEOs of my competition. Or even when I hired people who knew everything about building windows.

I felt so intimidated, anxious, and lost. I didn’t believe in myself, or in my knowledge. I could not think before I spoke and these conversations ended in torture for both parties. This feeling never went away. It was still there when I changed my career to software development.

I remember all my job interviews. I remember how I felt when I spied on the interviewers’ LinkedIn profiles. “Oh no!”, I thought, “this person has worked for years as a developer, look at his/her experience!”

I am getting better at controlling this feeling, I speak up in small team meetings, exchange some words with the speaker of a conference, and even have technical conversations with other developers.

How to overcome feeling intimidated?

Get personal, do not always speak about work, coding, or technology. Speak about what you did last weekend, hobbies, food, family, or sports, and do listen to the person in front of you. They are like yourself, and the feeling of intimidation goes away.

Think about the other person, they may feel the same way and you can help them and yourself with an ice-breaking conversation.

I will not say that the feeling went completely away, oh no, it is still there, but it is not winning every time.