Terms of Endearment (1983)
Decided to start watching all of the Oscar best picture winners, in order. I hadn’t heard of some of these movies, some I love and have seen multiple times already and I actively hate others, planning to never watch them again. Fair warning, there will be spoilers in these and other reviews to help explain my point of view.
Terms of Endearment is one of my all-time favorites. I know pretty much every line of dialogue from beginning to end. I don’t know how many tears I have shed over this movie and this viewing was no different. As soon as Debra Winger’s Emma got her cancer diagnosis the tears began and didn’t let up too much before the movie ended. Perhaps my overwhelming sadness is due to my close relationship with my own daughter and her now being an adult who lives apart from me and is forging her own independent life. The wonderful acting by everyone involved of course also played a part in my truly feeling this movie in a way I can’t with most films.
This film is the story of the relationship between Emma and her mother Aurora. From the very beginning Aurora is obsessed with Emma, from making sure she is breathing in her crib to concern over the way she dresses and every other life decision she makes. Even though Emma would never admit it, Aurora is right more often than not. The first conflict between the two concerns Emma’s decision to marry Flap. I wish the film had shown us more of their relationship prior to their wedding, so we could understand why Emma chose him. Flap is a college professor looking for a good position and he clearly loves books and his a bit of an intellectual, which attracts Emma, but that is really all we ever know about him at this point. Later, we come to see that he is weak and in constant need of reassurance, which explains why he cheats on Emma, but again, there is nothing to explain why they came together as a couple or why they stay together. Aurora was right when she told Emma that she wasn’t special enough to overcome a bad marriage, since their bad marriage makes her life fairly miserable until she dies.
While Emma spends the movie following Flap around as he chases work and talking to Aurora over the phone, racking up what had to be the most expensive long distance bills in history, Aurora occupies herself tolerating suitors from church (I think) and eventually falling for her silly next door neighbor, Garrett. She rightfully dismisses him in the beginning, recognizing that he too, like Flap, is someone in need of constant attention from women, which Aurora is never going to give. Garrett, as an ex-Astronaut, feels the need to make everyone aware of this at all times, which ends up making him look foolish and needy. Eventually, they each let down their guard and are honest with each other, resulting in a touching love story. Jack Nicholson does some of his best acting as Garrett, going from aging playboy to understanding and loyal companion in a believable way.
The film’s true love story though is between Aurora and Emma, and so of course it has to end tragically, with Emma dying from cancer. Everyone knows the stellar scene in which Shirley MacLaine’s Aurora calmly, them hysterically, demands Emma be given her pain medication. Her performance in this scene alone demanded she win the Oscar, but she is just incredible throughout this entire film. She knows when to play a scene so quietly that you have to lean in to hear her, or so loudly that you pull away. Truly one of the best performances ever. Winger is also great; her Emma is tragic, yet spirited, so you want to see her have just a little bit of happiness, that isn’t marred by her stupid husband or diminished by her mother. Her scene hen she confronts Flap’s mistress is one of my favorites, as is the scene where she says goodbye to her sons from her deathbed. Emma is never overly demonstrative as a mother, perhaps as a rebuke of how Aurora mothered her, but it is clear in this scene that she loves her kids very much. Her decision to have them live with Aurora, rather than Flap, upon her death also makes it clear that she wants what is best for them and knows that overbearing or not, Aurora will truly do her best to give them a great life. The latter scene I mentioned makes me cry as if I am dying, but I also love it because of how understated yet emotional it is, all at the same time.
Did this deserve the Oscar for Best Picture, as well as the other four it won? Absolutley! It tells a story that could have easily been overly sappy and maudlin in a concise and perfectly directed way that draws you and in and doesn’t let go. Of course it is sad, intentionally so, but I believe every emotion is 100% earned. The characters are always true to themselves and their behavior s genuine, never seeming as if what happens does so just so the movie can happen. Too bad that Winger and MacLaine were competing against each other as Best Actress for every award that year; I would have liked to see Winger win something for her amazing performance as well. It is well known that Winger and MacLaine didn’t get along on set, but that definitely doesn’t come across on screnn. Until I became aware of that years ago, I would have believed they were best friends, their chemistry on screen is that believable. Another reason to applaud their performances for not letting any of that animosity come through to the audience. I have to give this film 4.75 out of 5 stars, holding back 1/4 star due to the lack of background on Flap and Emma’s relationship. That is truly the only negative I have to say about this film. I love this film for everything it makes me feel and how it makes me appreciate the close relationships I have in my life.
