Why Complacency In A Relationship Is A Dream Killer
Beware of falling into the pit of complacency and lack of growth
Women should only be companions in a man’s life and should never be the focus of his life.
Getting married or getting on the path to marriage before realizing our full potential is so common today. I constantly read many articles complaining about the ‘immature’ male generation, which is the generation of men that are not ready financially or emotionally for a long-term relationship yet they are dating.
These kind of men just want to learn the game enough to find the woman of their dreams and then retreat into their cocoon of monogamy, which they call happy relaxed and secure life. They want to devote themselves to a woman. They have no purpose in their lives, so they find purpose in approaching women and making them the singular focus of their lives.
Monogamy is a great urgency for them due to the ‘desperate for love’ mentality they have been exposed to throughout their lives.
While teenagers or those in their twenties try to influence people with their intense independence in every other aspect of their lives, their eagerness to sacrifice all their independence and resources for the closeness of a woman has always surprised me. They are so eager to get hold of the shackles of monogamy instead of developing themselves into the ambitious and passionate man women naturally gravitate towards.
The truth is, the more you stay away from monogamy, the more opportunities arise. As wiser men than myself have repeatedly pointed out, complacency with a woman is a dream killer— and while I agree with this to some extent, I think it’s more because of men. It’s more about men’s own lack of ambition rather than some result of the relationship with the woman.
In fact, it’s better for men not to devote themselves to women early on. This may seem counterintuitive to you, but being readily available when she calls diminishes your value. Being unattainable increases your value, especially if this unattainability aligns with someone else’s interests. The requirements and problems of monogamy will be a hindrance to a man who works day and night in his mid-twenties to become a lawyer or a doctor.
His time should be devoted to fulfilling his dreams and goals and making himself a more successful man — we’re not just talking about financial success, but also education and confidence. The temporal and emotional constraints and demands of monogamy will waste the time he could use to fulfill his passions.
I advise men not to emotionally and sexually commit themselves to a single woman until they are 28, but that’s the minimum recommendation. I believe it’s better to avoid monogamous relationships until the age of 30. As a man advances in his career and matures, his character, ability to assess people’s characters, behavior, motivation, etc., matures, and he becomes the most desired man for women, which increases the quality of his choices.
In your mid-twenties, you’re at the peak of deciding which direction your life will take in the future. I know I won’t please anyone by explaining this, but many monogamists regret, without admitting it later, the responsibilities, duties, and burdens of marriage they have taken on without having the opportunity to understand their potential.
If you’re still single at 35 and have achieved considerable personal success, you’re the envy of men because statistically, at your age, you have two resources that other men don’t — time and freedom. If that’s the case, I envy you. You’re free from the burdens of marriage and long-term relationship obligations or the devastation of divorce that your peers struggle with. You’re in a position to go wherever you want without considering its impact on someone else. Many men don’t have this luxury.
Considering the burdens that modern life imposes on most men (and women), you’re someone who has literally been blessed with luck. I was once asked what I would want if money were not an issue, and I said time. It’s not about power, money, status, or controlling others; it’s about the power to control your own life, and right now, you have that power. Trust me, this is as good as it gets because you’re mature enough to understand what’s really going on here.
Haven’t you found the one yet? So what? You have the freedom to choose as you wish. Can’t find good relationship material? Why would you want to find it? Let it find you! Are you afraid of living old and alone? If I were in your shoes, I would fear being paralyzed by the fear of living alone rather than being trapped in a lifelong, passionless marriage.
From this perspective, I’m a proponent of the ‘build it, and they will come’ school. Women should only be companions in a man’s life and should never be the focus of his life.
Which is better: the least resistant path, an idealized, prefab relationship, or a relationship obtained after self-improvement? Both situations put the woman at the center of the man’s life, which is something women fantasize about but feel overwhelmed by when it becomes reality. Women don’t want someone who is enslaved to their closeness and sexuality, they want a masculine man. Women desire men who can make decisions, follow their passions and desires, and say ‘no’ to themselves when necessary.
This serves two purposes. Firstly, this attitude emphasizes the man’s development. Secondly, it puts the man in a chase position, and the man’s legitimate passions and desires become like the unofficial ‘other woman’ that the woman competes for the man’s attention.
Note that I said ‘legitimate’ desires. A woman in a relationship with a lawyer or medical student will most likely have a secure and stable future. However, one who is with an artist or musician will appear beneficial only if they can convince the woman that his talent and ambition will lead to a solid outcome. Of course, this can be balanced with a focused determination, as there are many who appreciate such determination.
All of this depends on the man’s attitude toward the opposite sex. Complacency with a woman is a dream killer. This is not because women specifically plan and desire it, but because men are ready to sacrifice their passions for the sake of regular sex, and women hold them responsible for it.
In the end, it’s better to choose the path of self-improvement than to take the easiest way out. This doesn’t mean rushing into marriage after finishing your education and starting a career in your thirties. Postpone monogamy until you have the maturity it requires and achieve personal success that satisfies you. And the woman of your dreams will be there to support and praise your plans.
“Build it, and they will come.” I believe in this philosophy.
