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Demotivating against the noise in the head

Photographed by Steve Johnson

I am currently writing a thesis for my undergraduate level. It’s quite hard, thus some of the things I’m dealing with actually are unexpected for me. My motivation is down and almost lost for this one month recently. Even so, I was still crawling, walking out of breath. Every 1 meter path I stop, or every breath I feel so tight I start to rest, that’s how I am now. Slowly and doubtfully.

Make decisions

I’ve read that never get lost in confusion and produce nothing in long time That means when someone has not achieved something in one month, it means that person is in danger. So that’s why I’d rather crawl than die. Besides, my reason for crawling is to answer the expectations of others (those who support me). I wonder how they will react when they know I am full of doubts, when I think about it, I try to forget it and try to regain my confidence.

Voice in head

Every night, that voice comes in my head. What should I do. That voice seemed to be my future and a reference for tomorrow. I was silent following his voice, in my heart, even though I wasn’t sure whether the voice that reached my head could be implemented or not. The voice hypnotized me, reminding me why I had come to this difficult stage. Why did I choose all of this, why did I choose to be heavy-hearted and worried about doing my thesis. Wasn’t it me who was determined to get a bachelor’s degree, then had the ambition to go to another university that I wanted, and wish become esseential person in the world.

Win and lose

The voice is against demotivation, I am the jury of the two fiercely contested. On several occasions the voice in my head won, but in reality my demotivation often butchered me. From the many occasions I witnessed and determined each victory, I tried to manage when my inner voice had to come out to break my demotivation.



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Raja Lubis

Raja Lubis

Leaving notes, but occasionally writing about insects