Why you should never date a “nice guy”.
How many times do you hear stories about men who were supposedly nice at the beginning of a relationship and eventually turned out to be horrible and disastrous emotional mess ruining the relationship?
When I was 21, I got into a relationship with this amazing girl. She was everything I wished for. I was head over heels in love with her. Things were amazing for the initial few months. She often said that I was the nicest guy she has ever been with and I made sure that I live to her expectations. I was as nice as it could get. From, waking up all night talking to her and skipping my college the next day to going beyond the usual and please her even if that meant I had to give up on my own needs.
Few months down the line, she broke up with me.
At 24, I got into another relationship and things were really good until she was done with me as well.
At 27, I met someone amazing until it happened again. She broke up with me.
It happened again and again.
Every time this happened, I convinced myself that women I have been with are all horrible human beings and they do not value a genuine caring and nurturing relationship with a decent man like myself.
And that’s how most of the “nice” guys feel about the women they can’t date or have broken up with.
You may ask what's wrong in being a nice guy?
Aren’t all guys supposed to pamper their woman? Make her feel special all the time?
The short answer is NO.
So what is it that nice guys do which works so against themselves?
In my quest to find out the truth I read something about — a nice guy syndrome.
According to this syndrome, nice guy are not really nice as they are meant to be. These are men with real problematic behaviour and unaddressed childhood issues or past trauma.
Nice guys work under a covert contract where they believe that if they do things for you they will get something in return. Unfortunately, that’s not how relationships work. A healthy relationship works when two people have clear communication about what they want and expect from their partners. Nice guys will do things for you but they will always expect something in return (sex) and when they don’t get it they will become mad. Problem is they are not courageous enough to ask for it because they think it goes against their image of “nice”.
Nice guys lie. They won’t tell you things they don’t want or things they think might make you not love them (that’s what they think). They seek constant approval from a woman and in order to be liked by them, they will lie in order to present a perfect image of themselves. Unfortunately, no one is perfect. We are humans and we tend to commit mistakes but nice guys tend to achieve that perfection by false or missed out information.
They will never accept their mistakes because according to them they are doing everything to make you happy so if you raise an issue with them pointing out their flaws, they will find out a way where you were “out of the line” and dump all the shame on you.
Nice guys are often insecure, manipulative and controlling. They expect you to give them whatever they want without they never have to ask about it. This will make you miserable.
Ending up with a nice guy will make your life miserable and will be a huge drawback for your emotional well being. Your relationship with a nice guy will not sustain and if it does it will be traumatic.
When you come across someone who sacrifices everything, even his own needs to please you. You might want to ask yourself and him the right questions. It would be best to assess his behaviour and notice any “nice guy” behavioural patterns as pointed above.
Above information is as true as it can get. As a “former nice guy” I can vouch for this.

