How a young Balinese boy reminded me what I know about mothering

They refused to hold the snake.

I tried to get my kids to hold the snake. “The man said they are not poisonous”, “You love dogs, what’s the difference?”, “You’ll be able to say you did it, better yet, we’ll have pictures”.

They weren’t buying any of my selling points.

It was the end of the last day at the Bali Spirit Festival. A yearly festival in Ubud, the spiritual mecca of Southeast Asia, full of yoga, music, talks, ceremonies, sessions, organic foods, connectedness and meaningful interactions. It was our first time there, and the last day of the festival. It was the community day, in which everyone could bring their kids along. And I was there with mine.

I wanted my kids to have a positive experience at the festival even though by their definition it was not their scene.

I wanted nothing more than for them to open their eyes, without judgement, to an experience that was not a familiar one and to walk away more open-minded.

They are not totally new to yoga or activities of a spiritual nature but according to them “it’s your thing mom, not ours”.

I wanted them so badly to participate in some of the kid workshops, listen to some soulful singing, eat a vegan lunch and enjoy plant-based ice cream. To get a gong bath or have their tarot cards read would have been icing on the gluten-free cake!

Heading to a morning breathwork session, I sent them on their own way with the festival schedule in which I highlighted what I thought they should do. What I had hoped that they would do! It took a lot of willpower to suggest and not demand.

When we met up again in the afternoon we came across a group that rescues snakes and was offering the possibility to hold some of the catches. Assured that they were not poisonous or dangerous, my kids still refused.

Then one of the younger rescuers leaned to me and whispered “Kids do as their mother does”.

I looked at him. He was a young Balinese boy no taller than my youngest son but he had observant eyes and a calm manner that seemed to make him appear like a wise old man. I stood puzzled by this secret message for a moment then realised what it meant.

After three calming breaths I reached for the snake.

As graceful and confident as it may have appeared, my heart raced as I plunged into my own fear and wrapped the snake around me.

Then one after another, my kids took the plunge. I saw the change in them as they moved from fear to resolve to pride. I witnessed the exact moments they each passed through the feeling of fear. I too felt proud for them. I’ve always felt that it’s my job as their mother to show them nothing can possibly hold them back. In this way they have also helped me in my own personal development and certainly to brave up and conquer fears.

Kids do as their mother does. Why should it be any different with snakes?

The reminder from the young Balinese boy was a timely one. I completely dropped my expectations regarding the highlighted festival schedule. I was so grateful that they could just be there with me, experiencing something new. Something that they may be able to draw upon later in life.

I reminded myself that every day they’re watching me and learning what the world can be if we are open to it. The positive values I behold and exhibit are values that they integrate into their own lives and interactions. It has always been the natural way I know to mother. Show them through my own choices.

Elizabeth Rankich is Co-Founder of PosterFamily.com and proud mom of two adventurous children. Contact can be made to elizabeth@posterfamily.com