Abuse Culture Highlight: Hurt People Hurt People and Other Myths
Hurt people don’t hurt people; abusers use pain as an excuse to abuse people. Hurt is not harm is not abuse, but obfuscating the distinctions lets #abuseculture thrive.
Hurt, or pain, is perfectly natural and quite common, though not required; it's often a response to information you need to act on to avoid harm (whether that's correcting your own shitty ideas, taking your hand out of the fire, or putting on a coat).
Harm is damage that must be rectified. It can occur with or without abuse.
Abuse is the exploitation of a power imbalance. It requires restoration (not just impotent acknowledgement) AND a removal from/restrictions on power to correct.
Speaking of hurt, this post highlights why the false equivalency of feelings doesn’t hold up (even though this post does seem to perpetuate the “hurt people hurt people” myth).
I also delve into the practicality below, because without integration, the rhetoric is meaningless.
I have written on this before but I can always say so much more, I can’t stress it enough. This type of false equivalency is textbook #abuseculturebullshit.
Not all feelings and trauma are equal, and it’s disgusting and harmful to pretend like they are. Everyone wants to avoid the so-called Oppression Olympics while ignoring that there is abso-fuckin-lutely a hierarchy of violence and a flow of systemic power imbalance. The weight don’t fall on your privileged back, trust me.
And shaming folks for cutting people off for their survival (especially when they’re already systemically isolated af) just shows your privilege.
Your pain may be real, but I guarantee you it's not a fucking emergency. Your privilege may maim and traumatize you, but it doesn't make us beholden to you nor does it mean we are required to coddle you. You may genuinely not be able to handle some shit, but your delusions don't make you an expert on truths you can't even face.
Pain is not required to grok the truth, and if the truth is painful, it is a secondary matter.
The truth is only painful if you resist it.