“Leaders Eat Last” Book Report
This isn’t even a “book” report since I didn’t read the book by that title, I just watched a 45 minute TED-ish talk by the author. But I think I got the gist of the message, and here it is:
Humans survived in part due to four brain chemicals: Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin.
The first two can be triggered on one’s own:
Endorphins mask pain. They were an evolutionary advantage because the masking of pain allowed us to hunt food over long distances. Today, most of us don’t need to run to catch food, but just listening to a runner describe their “runner’s high” makes you realize how little we’ve evolved physiologically in the past 100,000 years, even though everything around us has changed.
Dopamine is the pleasure derived from getting something done. It’s very addictive. Just think of how people write already-completed tasks onto a to-do list, just so they can cross off the task immediately, releasing dopamine. This tendency is hijacked by app developers to get you to use their apps more (it usually takes the form of the ubiquitous “red circle with a number of unread messages” that you can’t help but click on).
The other two brain chemicals require social interaction to be released:
Serotonin is the “relationship chemical”. It’s the feeling of public pride, it produces confidence (just watch a graduation ceremony) or “naches” if you’re related to Yiddish speakers. It has an aspect of social and familial obligation. We’re driven to “win one for the coach” and to “make our parents proud”.
Relationship strength can faked, using false signals. Money is used as a proxy for trustworthiness, so a conspicuous display of wealth confers a higher status. But those fancy material objects weren’t necessarily gained via strengthening social relationships.
Serotonin — and the drive to strengthen relationships — keeps social order: we evolved to favor strong relationships so that all members of a group would trust each other. Otherwise it’s just survival of the fittest.
Within a social group that has bonds between all members, the survival of the group is a collective concern. There needs to be a shared sense of who is going to protect us from outside threats. These are the Alphas. We constantly assess who is Alpha, as they get to eat and mate first. This is why we try to raise our own status, so we can eat/mate first. This is why fake Rolexes exist.
Being an leader comes at a cost: Alphas run towards danger and put themselves at risk to protect the group. This is why the bank failures of the late 2000’s were such an outrage. Not only did a bunch of people we thought we could trust ended up losing all our money, but they were the fancy and aggressive Alphas, who were compensated so highly because they were put in a position of trust. Instead, the ended up golden-parachuting out of the crashing economy, while the rest of us lost our jobs and homes.
The final chemical is Oxytocin, which is released during moments of love, trust, and friendship. It signals that we’re safe. That someone’s got my back. You can get it from physical contact, which is why shaking hands is important. Both parties get oxytocin, even witnesses get it by watching a handshake! If you ever want a reminder how we’re no different from other primates, try to close a deal with someone for a large transaction. When they offer their hand to shake yours, decline the handshake and watch the deal fall apart.
You can also get Oxytocin from being generous with your time and energy (gifts of money won’t work). It must be a true sacrifice on your part, which is why an email saying “great job!” usually rings hollow but a small thoughtful gift for a job well done is something that the recipient might keep forever. Is this starting to sound like leadership?
Oxytocin has many benefits: it boosts the immune system and inhibits addiction. It takes time to build up in your system, which is why most people don’t get married after their first date.
Let’s apply the above to the business world: external dangers are constant (e.g. competition), but internal dangers (inside the company) are variable, and determined by leaders. When groups feel safe, they can work together to face external dangers.
Leaders decide:
- Who gets in the circle of safety/belonging and who stays out
- How big the circle should be. Is everyone inside, or just an “inner circle” of top execs?
The best Leaders make sure everyone under them feels safe, so those people make those under them feel safe, on down the line, so that everyone at the company can look externally: making customers feel safe.
Oh, there’s one more chemical worth mentioning: Cortisol
It’s released during times of stress and anxiety. It triggers the “fight or flight” response. It stiffens muscles and raises heart-rate. It’s even communicable in social groups.
That extra energy required to heighten our awareness saps energy from our other biological systems: growth, immune system, etc.
Unsafe environments cause constant drips of Cortisol and suppress Oxytocin. Our body’s stress systems were designed to handle a brief but intense period of do-or-die stress: there’s a tiger chasing me and I either outrun/outsmart it, or I’m eaten.
A situation like that has a clear resolution after minutes or even seconds. Today’s stressful situations (a bad boss, a toxic relationship, poverty) play out over the course of months or years, and rarely reach a resolution. Our bodies simply aren’t built to handle that type of stress, which is why it’s so physically and mentally detrimental.
That’s why Leadership isn’t a position, it’s a choice to protect and sacrifice for those around you so they feel safe and not stressed. Leadership is an action: it’s the act of giving to others, and they will give to others in turn.
