Reality TV: Is It A Playground For Narcissists?
Reality Television has become a sanctuary for Narcissists. Do they deserve the attention they get?
Reality Television has become a staple in our homes for over the last 20 years. You can’t change a channel without seeing some kind of reality television show: house hunting shows, home improvement shows, cooking challenges, dating challenges. You name it, reality television has got it, seeking out all kinds of personalities in the process. It’s a breeding ground for narcissists.
Let’s take the “Real Housewives” franchises. No doubt, they make “great TV.” For some who choose to throw their hat into the ring, they go all-in, good or bad: No Holds Barred.
They are charming, authentic, unapologetic, and “real.” It is the perfect environment for a narcissist to thrive in, it’s their playground.
They use this platform to their own advantage to promote their business, for fame, or to heal whatever emotional wounds they’ve been carrying around. They fight with other women, so they can play the victim or the hero. But sometimes, they end up the villain.
The Mask Behind America’s Sweetheart
Let’s start with the OG of Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Giudice. When Teresa started out on the show over 10 years ago, fans of the show immediately fell in love with her. She was sweet, kind, and lived this “larger than life” lifestyle that others had only dreamed of. She kept trying to prove to the world that family was the most important thing in her life and she wanted nothing more than for her children to be happy. “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”
Then, came the infamous table flip seen around the world. That one moment changed Teresa’s life forever. She became an instant fan favorite.
Two years later, enter Melissa Gorga, Teresa’s sister-in-law. Up until that point, Teresa appeared to put on this façade that everything was perfect in order to maintain her image. Suddenly, her rocky relationship with her brother and his family, then her financial situation would soon come to light.
Suddenly, this “mask” that Teresa used to hide behind could no longer conceal her anymore. In her eyes, it was her show and now Melissa was taking some of that spotlight. And the worst nightmare of any narcissist was about to come true. Teresa’s not-so-perfect life was about to be exposed on national television.
What would everyone think of her now? What would happen to her image? Would all of the fame and attention go away?
Having “Thick Skin”
Some say Teresa appears insecure, which is another classic narcissistic trait. Common in many narcissists, their biggest fear is having their insecurity and vulnerability exposed. If they are vulnerable, they are weak. If they are insecure, their image is tarnished. They can’t handle emotions the way others do. To a narcissist, any emotional pain is experienced thousands of decibels higher from the average person.
Think of our skin. It protects us from all potential threats to our body: germs, pain, broken bones, etc. Remember the term, “thick skin?”
Now, for a narcissist, they don’t have that extra protection. Think of them as having no skin, just muscles and bones. Therefore, anything they touch hurts thousands of times more.
They can’t emotionally regulate, which could contribute to Teresa’s emotional outbursts seen on the show. Any feeling they feel is amplified and excruciating. They don’t have the proper tools to use when dealt with an emotional situation. So rather than deal with the pain, they rather not deal with it at all.
Friend or Foe
Like other narcissists, Teresa has a difficult time taking accountability for any of her actions.
“Why is all of this happening to me?” Instead of, “What is my part in this and how can I fix it?”
She portrays herself as a victim; a victim of betrayal by her husband, her brother, her sister-in-law, and her friends. It looks like she gaslights others to take the blame off of herself. Anyone who dares to question Teresa is her enemy. They’re a threat.
Even now, Teresa appears to associate herself with those who fall in line with her narrative and do not question her intentions. She picks friendships that are convenient for her, like Jennifer Aydin. She is her “ride or dies” enabling her toxic behavior.
Let’s take her new husband and his family. One might say she tries too hard to fit in with her new sisters-in-law. It is as though she is trying to prove to herself and the world what a “good sister-in-law” she really is. She continues to keep her “old family” separate from her “new family” by ousting them at events or twisting narratives so that she is seen as the hero or the victim, whichever one fits her narrative at the time.
She seems to need some sort of validation that she is “better” than everyone else on the cast. If she is not #1, she needs to do something to stay relevant, whether it be by starting rumors or by fighting with fellow cast members. This is the only success she has ever known and without it, to her, she is nothing.
This is the mentality seen across the Real Housewives franchises. In order to stay relevant, you have to stir the pot. Or do you stir the pot so that you don’t bring any negative attention to yourself? That is the big question. But, nevertheless, we continue to watch the housewives, year after year, franchise, after franchise. It’s one of our many guilty pleasures and it does not seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.
© Practical Growth 2023
Jaclyn Mistretta Godfrey is an LCSW, therapist, and narcissistic abuse survivor, who wants to help women heal from narcissistic abuse. She also hosts her own Disney World YouTube Channel called “The Magic World of Jackie.”
