How Difficult Is It To Find An Aristotelian Friend?

What does it take to develop the fullest sort of friendship?

A thoughtful piece published some time ago in the Columbia Spectator, An Aristotelian Friend Is Hard To Find, brings up an issue about which I’ve often found myself engaged in not-entirely-satisfactory discussion: the nature of friendship and the types of relationships. I’ve taught Aristotle’s classic treatment of friendship from book eight of the Nicomachean Ethics more times than I can easily tally up. In my philosophical counseling practice — perhaps because so many people have encountered Aristotle’s distinction — my clients also bring it up occasionally.

What seems to be the most problematic feature of his account for most people — and for good reasons that I’ll explore below — is that the most primary and paradigmatic sort of friendship turns out to be quite rare, and requires a good bit of time and various factors coming together just right. The other sorts of friendship, not quite so much deserving of the name, are much more common and easier to find. So in terms of relationships, what is mediocre to decent to fairly good seems quite realizable, but what is really good to outstanding, while easy enough to imagine or conceive, appears extraordinarily difficult to realize.