Feeling Anxious: Tried and Tested Ways to Cope up
10 things to do if you are feeling anxious right now
Your mind can make or break you. And break you some more if you are crippled with anxiety.
May was mental health awareness month and the theme this time was anxiety. The month has gone by but not so much the issue.
Most of us have been affected by anxiety at some point in our lives. Be it waiting for an exam result, work stress, some big presentation lined up, a large get-together, or simply waiting for your date to show up.
“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.
– C.H. Spurgeon
Anxiety is a thief. It steals the joy out of your life. It’s a silent killer. It kills your ability to feel love, to be happy, and to experience life as is.
One simple way to describe anxiety is the worry about the future. Thinking and overthinking about the future. Will it unfold the way we want it to? What if it does? What if it does not?
It is basic human nature to think of the worst-case scenario first, when one is worried, and that only adds up to the anxiety. Some people manage to get past it, and some, like me, delve into it more and more. Not out of want, but out of this need to find out how it ends.
The deeper we go into it; the more anxiety grips us. We want out, but anxiety is not letting go. Eventually, panic starts to mount up.
Panic in the form of palpitations, hot flushes, avoiding eye contact — more because we fear that other people will see through our soul and might figure out that we think we are good for nothing. We wear masks on our skin to get through the day. We try to laugh more, even though there’s chaos inside. We try to hold on to every little thread of our being to go through the day.
I have been there and I know how excruciating it gets at times.
Well, the bad news is no one is coming to save you. And, the blessing in disguise is that no one is coming to save you.
You have to help yourself.
You need to be your own cheerleader.
You need to be your own support system.
You need to hold your own.
You need to be Your hero.
These tried and tested techniques help me survive and get through the day, and I am sure these will help you as well.
BREATHING
Yes, breathing is the first thing that gets impacted when one is crippled with anxiety. And that is the first thing that one should try to master.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Few breathing techniques that have worked for me:
– I use the 4–4–4 technique. Deep inhale while counting to 4, hold your breath and count to 4, and then a deep exhale through your nose while counting to 4. While breathing just focus on your nose and the flow of air inside you. Few deep breaths and your heart rate will start to calm down.
– Another way is to breathe deeply through your nose, and deep exhale through your mouth. This has a calming effect on the body and releases your anxiety.
– And, my personal favorite, fill your cheeks with air and allow them to swell as much as you can. Hold for 5–10 seconds and then release the air through your mouth. Give this a try. This tends to divert your mind to some extent, and focus on your cheeks instead. PS — blowing Raspberries also work.
– One more technique that helps me is inhaling deeply, and while exhaling creating a ‘Mmmmm’ sound, out loud. Repeat.
WRITING
Do a brain dump, literally, on a piece of paper or simply on a Word document in your personal laptop. Even if you cannot think of anything to write about, just write, ‘I can’t think of anything to write about’. Write this a couple of times. Let the words flow. The best thing about writing for yourself is that you don’t have to bother about the grammar or getting the sentence right. It’s just about letting it all out. Some pointers to help you start:
– What is stressing you out?
– What you are thinking about?
– What can you do differently to remove yourself from this situation?
– Create a to-do list for yourself. Write even your daily chores in it, the basic tasks which you need to do to get through the day. For eg: brushing your teeth, making your bed, eating breakfast, etc.
Striking off smaller things like this gives one a sense of accomplishment and readies you for the bigger tasks.
– Prioritize: What must be done now and what can be scheduled for later?
MEDITATION
Try to identify the time of the day when you are most affected by anxiety. For most of us, the moment we lay our heads on the pillow to sleep, all our thoughts start to overpower us. Sometimes we even lose track of all these thoughts, but the result is we are awake throughout the night.
E.g.: Whenever I have to wake up early morning, I end up being awake the entire night thinking and worrying about if I’ll be able to wake up early.
“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.”
— Dan Millman
Over time, I have figured out a way to deal with it. Now, every time I hit the bed, I put on some relaxing, meditation music, or guided meditation, and simply listen to it and meditate while sleeping. This calms down my thoughts and helps me sleep.
I have noticed that I smile more the next day.
GROUNDING
Try the simple 3–3–3 technique to keep you grounded.
Identify any 3 objects around you, then identify any three sounds, and finally, move any three body parts.
Another way that helps immensely is to shake it all off. Especially if you are at home, just stand up wherever you are and start to shake your body, shake your arms, legs, and stomach, or simply jump around a bit. Do it for a few minutes and feel the difference.
MUSIC
Music helps. Always.
Could be relaxing/meditative music, or simply any song that you like to listen to. Sometimes when my thoughts get overwhelming, I play one song on repeat mode to keep me aligned.
Other times, I deliberately put on some heavy metal, head-banging music to not give my thoughts any space at all.
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
Any physical activity that resonates with you, do it for 15–20 minutes, each day. It could be as basic as washing utensils by hand, cleaning your home, or going for a walk/run.
If you can’t figure out what to do, just jump around a bit. You don’t even need any equipment for this. Believe me, you will feel refreshed after these 15–20 minutes, and whatever activity you choose, will bring a smile to your face by the end.
CIRCADIAN RHYTHM
Try to be aware of your sleep-wake cycle.
An irregular circadian rhythm keeps you lethargic throughout the day. Try to increase your exposure to light. Try to limit your alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine intake, or exposure to any source of artificial light like TV, laptop, or mobile, especially at night time.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
— Steven Hayes
SELF NARRATIVE
Be conscious of the narrative you tell yourself, about yourself. The way you talk to yourself matters more than you think.
One personal technique that I have developed to keep me aligned is that for every negative or self-derogatory thought I have, I consciously counter it with at least two positive ones. I think of my accomplishments here. I think of anything good I did, throughout my lifetime, or simply use some positive affirmations.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
— Henry S. Haskins
ACCEPT YOURSELF
You are always going to be you.
No one else has gone through, and survived, the same life experiences as you did. No one else feels and expresses the same way as you do.
Try looking at others with same eyes. They are what they are because of what their life experiences taught them.
Forgive yourself. You didn’t know any better.
Forgive others. Maybe they didn’t know any better.
LITTLE THINGS
In the end, the little things matter more.
Try to smile more throughout the day. Look up at the sky some more. Notice the trees around. Learn something new. Deliberately, do something you have never done before.
One thing about anxiety is you feel it more when you are with the known ones. Strangers rarely add to it. Explore a new café in town. Do things that make you happy. Dress up. Treat yourself to the food you always wanted to try but never got a chance. Experiment with new colors. Forgive yourself. Laugh out loud.
MIX IT UP
I, sometimes, use 2–3 techniques at the same time, like using the 4–4–4 breathing technique while I go for a walk. Or, listening to loud music while I let out my mind clutter in a journal.
Just give these techniques a try and let me know if they helped.
