I Strive for Daily Embarrassment. Here Are 4 Reasons Why You Should, Too.
Embracing the cringe with sweaty palms.
Now, before you object — my idea of intentional embarrassment does not entail deliberately tripping over a curb on your way home and falling to your knees with a dramatic squawk.
Of course not.
You’d end up with dirty slacks, scuffed shoes, and for what? A few side glances from bystanders? A honk from a passing car?
What an absolute and utter waste.
Instead, I’d propose executing that same scenario in a context where it really matters.
At a staff meeting.
Or better yet, in front of that new department manager you fancy.
Now, I know what you’re thinking — mortifying, right? Why on Earth would anyone resort to something like that? Isn’t life embarrassing enough as it is? I mean, think of the time you accidentally texted your boss during your cousin Ramona’s wild bachelorette bash. Or the time your finger “malfunctioned” and hovered over your ex-partner’s three-year old social media post just long enough to double tap.
Oh, God, whyyy?
First, I have to say — texting your boss while blind-drunk is pretty horrifying. And not the good kind. Well, I suppose it depends on what you said, really, but since you have the memory on call at the mere mention of “embarrassment”, I’m guessing it was either a love letter, or an incoherent amalgamation of swear words. You’ll have to tell me all about it in the comments.
Still, as amusing as alcohol-induced shenanigans can be, this conquest of intentional embarrassment requires that you remain sober. I’m serious. Embarrassment is already an inherent part of the inebriated state, and thus any external measures taken to “ease the ordeal” will instantly nullify any potential benefits. Embrace the challenge. It’s you against your mind.
Of course, as is typically the case with anything, there’s always that one person who takes it too far.
Listen — while technically opportunities for embarrassing endeavors are limitless, a degree of common sense is imperative. In other words, there is an obvious ceiling which leaves no further room for interpretation. Therefore, do not run across the town square naked, get objectionable body art, approach people in an inappropriate manner, or engage in dangerous conduct for the sake of evoking feelings of embarrassment. Seriously, what the hell.
But I digress.
What is embarrassment and why do we experience it?
Don’t worry — I’ll spare you the lengthy textbook explanation (not that I’m even remotely qualified to delve into the technicalities of human psychology). All we really need to know is that embarrassment is directly linked to the ways we want to avoid being perceived by others. So…
Are you a smooth and sophisticated talker? Stumbling over your words is no doubt a phenomenon you wish to avoid.
Are you the life of the party? The sidelines probably won’t be your cup of tea.
Do you pride yourself on your impeccable sense of style? As we speak, the Christmas sweater grandma knitted for you is likely celebrating its fifth anniversary in the moth-ridden depths of your closet.
You get it. Everyone has a “thing”. What’s yours?
No, no, don’t tell me. It’s enough if you can identify it, which can sometimes be more challenging than it initially appears. Seemingly impossible for some. But let’s dig deeper.
Okay, so you don’t have a problem with public speaking, but barricade yourself in your car every night to listen to Broadway songs?
So you don’t care if you have a coughing fit in the middle of an important job interview, but dread having to sit down and write a worthwhile birthday message for your father-in-law?
“Well, yeah,” you say, “But X is actually embarrassing.”
Let me tell you something: embarrassment is akin to chewing gum — once you notice you’ve stepped in it, it’s already too late.
Now, obviously, you can avoid stepping into gum in the first place. Let’s visualize it, shall we?
There you are, picking your feet up like a pony, your bloodshot eyes darting back and forth, meticulously scanning every inch of the pavement, droplets of sweat sprouting on your forehead…
You can do that. And… a lot of people do.
But wouldn’t it be so much easier if the shoes you were wearing were simply… gum-proof? If you could walk with your head held high, while people around you nervously surveyed their every step?
“Interesting analogy,” you say, “But gum-proof shoes don’t exist.”
Good point. That’s why we’re going barefoot.
Listen, it’s the thought that counts. The analogy barely holds up as is, so let’s not get into the minutiae of product invention. My point is, embarrassment follows the same principle. The more you subject yourself to it, the more resilient you become.
Sounds good? Well, it gets better:
1) Embarrassment is liberating:
It really is.
Not only do you effectively break free of others’ expectations of you, but you also remove the confines you’d previously set for yourself.
Why can’t you listen to both 80’s rock and musical theater? Who said you can’t style that half-eaten Christmas sweater with designer jeans? Tripping over your own feet and laughing it off doesn’t make you any less sophisticated. It also makes you funny, confident, and charming.
So… three birds with one stone?
2) Embarrassment exposes dormant personality traits:
How you react to accidental embarrassment is likely completely different from the way you’ll react to embarrassing yourself on purpose. Thus, allocating time for learning to handle suboptimal situations with upbeat or self-deprecating commentary will bring out new colors within your personality and make you appear more authentic.
Most people would feel embarrassed by having food stuck in between their front teeth…
…but you’re not most people.
3) Embarrassment shifts your focus:
If you think that pouring coffee down your front while chatting to that colleague you like would lead to hours (or even days!) of negative self-talk, you are exactly right.
That is, until you find yourself embarrassed often enough to realize that no one really cares as much as you do.
Go ahead and stumble over your words at that next staff meeting. Double tap that old social media post. Turn to face everyone in a crowded elevator. Unabashedly tug on a “push” door, even after someone points out your mistake.
Live a little.
Accepting embarrassment as an inherent part of everyday life makes it lose all power over you and provides you with the confidence needed to effortlessly handle blanking during a speech, ripped tights, a bad haircut (yes, try deliberately getting one of those — what of it?), and other daily mishaps.
4) Embarrassment builds self-confidence:
Confidence goes hand in hand with stepping out of your comfort zone, and deliberate embarrassment is the perfect place to start. However, if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable by everyday endeavors, perhaps don’t start your constructive embarrassment journey by entering a globally televised dancing competition.
Instead, try small steps, such as speaking up in class, or wearing mismatched socks to work. Once these practices become routine, move on to bigger, more “embarrassing” activities, but use common sense — there’s only so far you can take it!
Conquering embarrassing situations head-on and refusing to dwell on their consequences allows you to be more assertive and less hesitant when taking on different tasks. You’re no longer afraid of blundering or doing things wrong. Thus, while your colleague John is in the bathroom kicking himself for forgetting the words during your shared presentation, you’re already networking with potential clients and detracting attention from the comparatively minor earlier hiccup.
But don’t take my word for it. Try it out!
The worst that can happen is a bit of rouge.
