I’m a Narcissist
Maybe, you too?
“I’m an opening batsman, just like Rohit Sharma,” I smiled.
“That’s amazing. We expect a lot of runs from you,” said the captain.
Why do I need to mention things explicitly? Ugh…
“Show. Don’t tell.”
Being a narcissist, I follow — “Tell. Don’t show.”
I didn’t play the first two matches. Our team won one and gave a tough fight in the second.
I played the third one, the decider for the next round, which we lost.
Not lost. Thrashed.
But my narcissistic mind said, “I made the highest runs.”
What I don’t want to remember is getting my four partners run out. The main reason for losing the match.
Why am I a Narcissist?
The reason for me being a narcissist is just one:
“I’m the hero. Everything revolves around me.”
I’m the sun in my universe, always trying to be the main character.
All this leads to:
- Craving attention through lies, showiness, and pretence.
- Hiding insecurities and ignoring problems, like wearing a mask of invincibility.
In my mind, I’m the spotlight everyone always watches, even when I’m offstage.
The Impact
All this creates immense pressure to perform, like constantly walking a tightrope.
It’s one reason I haven’t achieved success on a big stage.
Narcissism only brings negativity.
It undermines your social life and mental health.
Every small incident becomes a catastrophe for a narcissist, who takes life too seriously.
Thus, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression are common.
I have no contact with my college or school friends. Why?
My long list of narcissistic acts still haunts me, making me avoid talking to anyone.
The cricket match I mentioned happened in our apartment complex.
All those players live there, making me feel fear and awkwardness whenever I step out of my flat.
But now?
Solution
“Awareness of a problem is the first step toward its resolution.”
Yes. Most of our life problems don’t get solved because we hesitate to take the first step and face reality.
Consciously observe your dialogues, actions, and afterthoughts.
I did that and found myself a big-time narcissist.
I accept it.
And on my way to solve it.
Here are a few suggestions that I’m experimenting with to solve my narcissistic thoughts:
- Speak less, listen more. Be an active listener.
- In a group, don’t start sentences with “I am.” Try to speak only “We.”
- Stop comparing yourself with anyone.
- Stop lying, even about the small things.
Some of these things make me feel better, and hence I’m sure one day the narcissist in me will die.
Do you have any such narcissistic story? How are you solving it?
Share. It might help me and others like me.
