I’m an Abuser Who Built a Happy Family
The journey of a traumatized child from an abusive family into adult life.
Hello. My name is Dmitry, and I am a former…
Tyrant, abuser, a powder keg. Mr. Impulsivity.
Everyone said:
“He’s just like his father,”
“It’s in the blood.”
Society had already branded me.
I changed. How?
Let’s go through the key points
1. Health — The First Priority
Emotional outbursts were destroying me both morally and physically.
I had my first nervous breakdown at 20.
That’s when I realized that anger has its price.
A very high price.
2. Family
As a true abuser, I directed 98% of my anger towards my family.
I said and did terrible things.
But I never raised a hand.
Simply because society instilled in me that “emotions need to be vented.”
I always deeply regretted the consequences.
Images of my father beating my mother haunted me.
We were heading in the same direction.
I couldn’t let my worst nightmare become reality.
3. Productivity
Anger simply doesn’t solve not a single problem.
It’s anti-productive.
It only creates and exacerbates everything possible.
It burns through your most valuable resource — time.
Time that you could have spent making your life better.
5. Desire
Thanks to the points above, I came to realize the catastrophic consequences of my rage outbursts for my life.
Then immediately came the desire to change the situation.
To change my life.
To change myself.
But if it were that simple, right?
Realize, want, and no more anger?
Of course, it doesn’t work like that.
6. Self-reflection
The question “why” came to my mind on its own.
Like a biological reaction to a challenge.
To a high-priority problem.
A deep analysis of each incident, its triggers.
I asked myself:
“why do I feel this way,”
“what leads to this.”
The chain gradually unraveled.
Working through newer and newer situations until there were none left at all.
This part of the journey will be unique for everyone.
That’s what makes it so difficult.
This path took more than 3 years.
7. Reward
As a result, I consider my wife’s phrase:
“If you had stayed the same, nothing would have worked out between us”
We made it.
I coped.
This stupid childhood trauma no longer poisons our life.
We can finally move on.
Our children will not suffer as we did.
Thank you for reading!
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