Losing my religion, searching for spiritual bliss.
I had just settled down to feed my 4-month-old twins when I heard the doorbell ring followed by a sharp knock. Much to the dismay of my children, I sprinted downstairs and though I was only with the callers for less than a minute, this exchange caused me to question it all, again.
Being raised in a strict Seventh Day Adventist Christian home and also being an Aquarius with a penchant for radical and free thinking, I have long questioned every bit of doctrine I was subjected to and long sought answers to this age old epistemological problem.
The knock at the door was from a couple. “Hello” I said sheepishly as I tried to preserve my dignity gathering my bathrobe around me, “Can I please hand you this to read?” a smiling lady asked handing over a pamphlet she had picked out from a stash in her hand. I instinctively stretched out my hand but suddenly stopped short. Although they didn’t profess to be, I soon realised that they may be Jehovah Witnesses evangelising. “Has this got anything to do with Jesus — ?” I asked dubiously “ — I’m spiritual not religious” I added quickly. The woman looked at me quizzically almost comically. “Sorry, what does that mean?” she asked.
I panicked and started to blabber.
“Well I believe in the spiritual side of life not the religious constructs…” I blurted out, nodding and gesticulating hoping she would help find the words that had evaded me. “You see I don’t believe in Jesus but I still align with some of the morals religion teaches without the commercial and control aspect.” “Oh right” she said. “Anyway I must run back to my twins, I was just about to feed them and they won’t be best pleased with me.” “Oh twins!” she exclaimed, she made a banal quip about having a lot on my plate, I smiled a wry smile as if I hadn’t heard that one before and as I closed the door I implored her to continue to do her research on the matter, while I made a mental note to do the same. I could have sworn I saw a small flicker of intrigue momentarily flash across her face. Maybe her brief encounter with this near scantily clad strange woman had ignited a new found interest in her quest for purpose by way of religion. That, or she was saying a silent prayer for the crazy lost heathen she had just met.
On my way back up the stairs and while I was feeding my ever patient babies, I started to think. What is my elevator pitch on my beliefs? What are my beliefs full-stop?
As stated previously, being a free-thinker, I rue being boxed into a category or labelling my beliefs as in a way it again conforms to a construct that I’m still shaping and understanding. Life and my beliefs change daily as I learn, experience and speak to others. While I could continue in this vein now comes the challenge of raising children but to what moral or spiritual compass?
There are some underlying principles that I see repeated across different religious and spiritual practices and I think encompassing these and teaching my children to question and evolve with their thinking and continue to search for truth is the best route I can take.
One thing that I will instil in them however is, in a world where you can be anything, be kind.
And keep questioning and searching this quagmire called life.
